BLOG POSTS
Men, How Can You Be A Safe Harbor For Your Women?
Men! Be predictable in behavior. Show up being safe in how you deal with challenge and difficulty. Yes, you can still be mysterious and spontaneous in your sexuality, love languages and the way you treat your queen. But be consistent in how you show up to arguments and the needs of your partner.
What Do You Truly Value In Relationship?
The traits that are attractive and appealing when dating are different to the traits needed when maintaining a meaningful and long-term relationship.
This is not to say that what we were initially attracted to doesn’t still apply years later. It most definitely does. When we first meet we are yearning for passion, excitement, we often value an outgoing personality, confidence, and the spontaneous pursuit and chase of discovering the novelty of each other.
Relationship Green Flags
A green flag essentially means that you feel safe to proceed, pursue and explore with a deeper level of vulnerability, openness and curiosity. Your guard is down and you are ready to not only show the better parts of you but perhaps even the parts that don’t look that flash.
Don’t Leave Out Mystery in Relationship
In attraction dynamics knowing too much can kill polarity and weaken magnetism. Allow your partner to be curious. Have them guessing but in healthy ways. Don’t have them feeling uncertain through inconsistent behavior, volatility, and unsafe unpredictability. Elude who you are but don’t give yourself away. Be open-hearted, don’t play games, yet allow yourself to SLOWLY be revealed. In this process, you also get to know the layers that are you…
Is Your Intensity Coming From Insecurity?
Are you chasing him or her because you think ‘they are the one’ and you can’t do any better? Are you giving ALL of yourself to another and minimizing your needs? Are you placing the power of decision in the palms of another because you don’t back yourself?
Are you intense in your emotions because you feel out of control? Are you desperate because you believe you are unworthy of love? Are you needy because you can’t meet your own needs for love, validation and security? What drives the intensity in your being?
Overcoming Regret
Regret can eat us away. It keeps us locked into a past that was not meant for us anyway. It distracts us from being present and in gratitude. The active and deliberate practice of gratitude releases serotonin. This reinforces a sense of appreciation for the ‘now’ moment and the people in that now moment, forming deeper bonds.
Masculine Sexual Complexity
I spent many years not having a very healthy relationship to sexuality – the act itself, my sexual projections and my sexual essence. I used sex as a means to validate my worthiness and how I viewed myself. The truth is I manipulated the art of sexuality to attempt to fill a void that was not fillable.
This was the case because I was living from fear and using sexuality, external desirability, and the quantity of sex as a measuring tool for self-worry. Yes, it was about hedonistic self-gratifying pleasure and it was also a scream for intimacy and connection.
Feeling “Safe Enough”
We live in a world where intimacy is almost exclusively associated with sex and sexual expression. We define intimacy by how open, novel, and “risky” we can be sexually. Sexual exploration is super important and we must understand where our yearning to explore is coming from?
The Wounded Inner Child’s Journey
Working with the wounded inner child is only part of the healing journey. We must also address the “imported parts” – the voices that are not our own…
The Deal With “Feminine” Men
A hyper-feminized man has often received projection from a parent enmeshing with them and “needing” unconscious intimacy from their children, as they are not receiving it from their partners. This has caused the man to shut down his masculine essence and presence, whilst appeasing and prioritizing others and entertaining the unhealthy aspects of his feminine due to the codependent nature of his relationship with one or both of his parents.