Feeling “safe enough” to be fully expressed in the presence of another is a form of intimacy that is deeply underrated and undervalued in our society.

We live in a world where intimacy is almost exclusively associated with sex and sexual expression. We define intimacy by how open, novel, and “risky” we can be sexually. Sexual exploration is super important and we must understand where our yearning to explore is coming from?

Whilst there is great liberation in standing emotionally, physically, and spiritually naked in front of another, whilst at times having being forced in claiming our sexuality, we have almost forgotten to feel safe to be truly ourselves, and often, paradoxically we hide behind our apparent nakedness.

I get this. I hid behind sexuality and Sex. I focused on performance, not being present to the shame I was masking and hiding behind my overt and even obnoxious persona.

True sexual liberation comes from feeling safe within our complete constitution. This means feeling safe enough to be fully ourselves without fear of how the world may respond or our attachment to the desired outcome.

We just need to feel “safe enough”. This needs to be our first step in freeing versions of ourselves that we have not encountered as yet. One step at a time. One breath at a time. Too many steps, alongside excessive future projection, overwhelms us.

When we don’t feel safe we hide our hearts from those that wish to hold us with reverence. I know when I become distracted or overwhelmed I often hide parts of myself. My beloved feels this and she feels my distance. I have feared judgment and ridicule in the past and that feeling at times of density comes back to me and I shut down.

In those moments what serves me is reminding myself “that was then, this is now”. You can also say “I am safe and I am whole”. Try it when you feel alone and let me know how you go. What is your go-to strategy for creating safety in your world? 

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author