Feeling “Safe Enough”

Feeling “safe enough” to be fully expressed in the presence of another is a form of intimacy that is deeply underrated and undervalued in our society.

We live in a world where intimacy is almost exclusively associated with sex and sexual expression. We define intimacy by how open, novel, and “risky” we can be sexually. Sexual exploration is super important and we must understand where our yearning to explore is coming from?

Whilst there is great liberation in standing emotionally, physically, and spiritually naked in front of another, whilst at times having being forced in claiming our sexuality, we have almost forgotten to feel safe to be truly ourselves, and often, paradoxically we hide behind our apparent nakedness.

I get this. I hid behind sexuality and Sex. I focused on performance, not being present to the shame I was masking and hiding behind my overt and even obnoxious persona.

True sexual liberation comes from feeling safe within our complete constitution. This means feeling safe enough to be fully ourselves without fear of how the world may respond or our attachment to the desired outcome.

We just need to feel “safe enough”. This needs to be our first step in freeing versions of ourselves that we have not encountered as yet. One step at a time. One breath at a time. Too many steps, alongside excessive future projection, overwhelms us.

When we don’t feel safe we hide our hearts from those that wish to hold us with reverence. I know when I become distracted or overwhelmed I often hide parts of myself. My beloved feels this and she feels my distance. I have feared judgment and ridicule in the past and that feeling at times of density comes back to me and I shut down.

In those moments what serves me is reminding myself “that was then, this is now”. You can also say “I am safe and I am whole”. Try it when you feel alone and let me know how you go. What is your go-to strategy for creating safety in your world? 

One is glad to be of service.


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



The Harsh Inner Critic

Lately, I have found myself comparing myself to others (particularly men in my space) that I perceive to hold the attributes I don’t yet have within myself. This has placed me in a little bit of a tailspin. There are times where I will be empowered and inspired and do more and concentrate on the authenticity of my expression and…

There are times where I revert and get stuck, feel the victim that I put so much effort in and “where am I still, what does he have that I don’t?” I criticize, become frustrated, agitated, short with others, despondent and not motivated to create. I feel jealousy and unworthy in this comparison mode.

Willingness Trumps Trying

We forget the power of taking ownership of our thoughts And actions and stepping in to this action from a place of clarity and discernment.

Trying is misdirected. It is noncommittal and flaky. Trying means we don’t believe in ourselves. Trying is laden with excuses preparing us for the justification of failure and it side steps us out of fear.

The Talk To Trauma

We speak a great deal to the wounds of the past, the pain we have experienced ‘growing up’. We can be debilitated unknowingly by the pain we harbour within because we have been unable to release the tension certain experiences have caused us – the feeling of an endless mountain looms ahead.

Sexual Expression

It’s not always about ejaculation.
Experiencing sexual trauma can place us in a position where we are mistrusting, feel hurt, hold back and are shy and reluctant to open our hearts. This trauma shuts us out and down, yet at the same time, we have a yearning to be seen, to experience closeness and intimacy. This happens to both men and women and both the masculine and feminine.

Bullies Are Tortured Souls

Fractured and fragmented by their own sense of not belonging, feeling rejected, and being isolated themselves. They turn to outward blame and assault to feel better and feel relief from their powerlessness. It doesn’t justify it, nor make it right… We heal through resilience and compassion. Lets’ delve in deeper…


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