Firstly, this isn’t a gender thing. It’s a people thing. We are often really scared of change.
This is often a tough one in relationships. We want people to change with us, to do what we do, try what we try, feel what we feel and share similar interests.
At a primal level, it is our nervous system feeling safe in the presence of familiarity. Additionally, when we share similar paths, values and interests we are all part of the “in-group”. In social psychology, this is crucial to one’s feeling of being safe and surviving.
Space… The great divide. I am not speaking to the space we may know as outer space, the cosmos or the universe. I am referring to the space we require in relationships. We forget the utter importance of what space provides us.
Space is a bridge. Attraction, eroticism, connection and intimacy not only comes from closeness, but it comes from space, distance and a yearning to be in each other’s presence. And the creation of space is an “art”. Too much and one is perhaps forgotten, not often enough and one may feel suffocated and the loss of magnetism.
We all have stories… We all have a past. Most of our pasts are less lopsided than we think.
Amidst the chaos, confusion and the volatility exists a place where there is at the least; some peace. My past and childhood at large weren’t pretty… Many of us share similar pasts.
At times we often gaze into the sky, into nothingness, to the stars, to the horizon, to apparent emptiness.
In these times of deep and sincere gazing, we question our place and path. We abstractly enquire into the nature of our existence, of our actions and our feelings.
We suffer when we neglect ourselves and when we do not own who we are. So many of us grew up in disconnection from our families, unprotected from those we were meant to trust, unseen and unforgiven. I experienced hardship like many of us – physical abuse, violence, volatility in the home, shame and projected judgment.
I have not always been confident in who I am, in my body, mind and heart. I have doubted, felt deeply intense fear and lost my self in negative and harmful actions towards myself and others. I have not been connected to my body and have carried shame in this area, alongside my thoughts and emotions.
When we are having sex we are literally INSIDE of another human being. This level of intimacy at a physical level is profound. It can open every other faculty of being we have access to.
For this degree of sacredness to exist, we must both exist. For the feminine body to feel safe to be this exposed & open she must trust. To be trustworthy, we must fully open as men & be transparent.
We all yearn for connection, touch, understanding and a wanting to be seen. We often create barriers to this level of trusted connection due to certain traumatic or painful experiences we have had and the beliefs we have then formed around these experiences.
We speak to the differences in men and women not to segregate but to celebrate. This celebration allows us to honor ourselves and each other. The truth is we are in this together.
Divine Union is something that can only flourish when polarity is felt to be merged. When sacred masculine deliberate intention meets sacred feminine compassion and opening.
A couple that desires together, shares intimacy together.
Co-visioning is essential when it comes to deepen our intimate connection. Sharing ourselves and our inner most thoughts and feelings (aka vulnerability and radical honesty) bonds us and helps us know each other.