Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

Masculine Closeness & Sexuality

I just finished leading my weekly webinar with my group of men from Reclaim Your Kingdom. It was a beautiful unravelling of truth, honesty and transparency.

The recurring themes were emasculation through sexuality, self-love and the yearning for closeness. Not knowing how to, we as men (so many of us) have reverted to unhealthy practices of sexuality.

We have moved through such a depth of emptiness, where we have disconnected from ourselves and disconnected from the expression of healthy sexual energy.

We all yearn for connection, closeness, deep opening and a yearning for intimate exchange, to learn, grow and become fuller versions of ourselves. This was the recurring theme amongst all of the men this evening – to go deep, but not knowing how to because of all the cultural, familial, and systemic pollution we have been fed and then chosen to assimilate in to our being as ‘hard fact and truth’.

We must learn as men to be more discerning with the choices we make and who we are as men – too soften when we need to an step in to vertical vulnerability and discerning power when called to. Observing our patterns of behaviour, being-ness and and sexual expression can liberate us if we allow it to.

Self-abuse, entrenched in unhealthy, fear, pain and extended pornography as a tool for ignoring, isolation, distraction and dissociating is the unhealthy self. The healthy self is connected, vibrant, full, honest, inquisitive, feeling and present.

We ignore the wonder of who we are. Society feels and thinks that men are dissociated with their sexuality (and they are) by nature (but not by nature by conditioning).

We reveal ourselves when we get real with ourselves, when we commit to being transparent with who we are and want we want. We seek connection. But first we must fulfill ourselves by filling our own cup with the essence of who we are through our own spark.

When we do this, we evolve to be men of stature, men of strength, men of connection. When we understand our darkness, we become full. When we make peace with our pain, fears, insecurities, addictions, darkness and solace we we live a life of wholeness.

We feel empty, lifeless and disconnected in our sexuality if we ignore the truth of what we want. If we deny our need to connect and learn from each other in depth, we are denying who we are. We live in fallacy and ignorant detachment.

Immaturity in sexuality comes from not choosing to explore the depths of being, not knowing how to understand self, nurture self and love self so that we can then express this to those in our lives that we value and that matter.

We all wish to be seen, heard, known and felt – even if we fear it. We thrive and grow and transmute the old through this process of elevating self and merging the mind, matter and spirit.

Consciousness stems from being present to ignoring societal norms that are unhealthy and oppressed. When we reach a state of connected consciousness, we become more mindful of who we wish to allow in to our lives.

Healthy dynamics come from cultivating solid and connected relationships with our inner feminine and masculine bodies and expression. Sexuality can be transcendent, transmutative and liberating. We are ready to release our pain and step in to our power. Move from chaos and profoundly in to clarity…

One is always glad to be of service.

Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker
Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

You Are Enough

I spent so much of my life in hiding. Hiding from my fears, my anger, my insecurities, my pain, my past. I spent my life hating on myself, filling my mind with the lies I was not enough and not worthy.

You know the dialogue… “Not smart enough, not strong enough, not popular enough, not wealthy enough, just not enough. I covered the not ‘enoughness’ with either retraction or aggression.d

The Authentic Art Of Courting

When courting or in the pursuit of intimate relationship we place the grandest version of ourselves forward. We present what we perceive to be the what the ‘other’ desires, needs or wants…

The Place of the Heart

We are here. The place of the heart. The place where so many of us have believed for so long that the opening of the heart has no place in the realm of man. I, amongst many are here to tell you otherwise.

Perceived Permanency of Pain

Don’t hold on to the perceived permanency of your pain

We get so caught up in our pain at times that we forget how impermanent and temporal life can be. Don’t be so attached to the temporary. Know that whatever you’re experiencing carries a use by date.

Men Will Only Play If They Think They Can Win

Why do men hate to lose and why do we live and love to win? On the surface it may appear to be a volatile feeding frenzy and this may be so. Men fight to be dominate, to be number and to be on top. And we also take in to account what is best for our group at that time. We ultimate hate being conquered and find it humiliating when we are – this ethos applies to both the individual self and the primary group by which we find ourselves a part of.

Share This