Self-identity Versus Gender

Biological sex and gender are more fixed and defined. However, self-identity is more fluid and subjective.

This is a controversial topic in this day and age. When we look at gonadal, hormonal, genetic, genital, and chromosomal sex and gender are we not more defined?

What appears to be more flexible is the way we see ourselves, internally and psychologically identify and desire others to see us.

We cannot force others to see us in particular ways, nor is it healthy to deny what we are. And here is the interesting thing. We are and can be many things. We hold multiple identities and self-perceptions simultaneously and there is nothing wrong with that.

We live in a world that generally does not like grey areas of reality. The perceived concreteness of black and white helps us generally feel safer. But safe from what?

Serious contemplation. Is it a problem if someone asks you to refer to them as a man or even a peacock if they are not a peacock or if at birth their chromosomes stipulated being a biological female? What are the outcomes or possible individual or collective ramifications for embracing this way of being?

Similarly, is it a problem to force someone to see you or refer to you in a particular way, and if they do not or if they cannot see “reason,” they are internally shamed into being bigots and/or prejudiced?

We live in a world that appears confused, angry, and scared on many fronts. We struggle to have mature conversations about what all of this means. We become threatened easily and as a result of that – unsafe and defensive. We react, we are dysregulated and anyone that disagrees with us (wherever we stand) is the enemy.

This will not create more inclusion, equity, and fairness which is what the “goal” for most is. This is a very complex “new” topic and phenomenon sweeping the Western world but just because it carries challenges and layers doesn’t mean we cannot explore it.

What are your thoughts on this?

One is glad to be of service.

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



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