Self-identity Versus Gender

Biological sex and gender are more fixed and defined. However, self-identity is more fluid and subjective.

This is a controversial topic in this day and age. When we look at gonadal, hormonal, genetic, genital, and chromosomal sex and gender are we not more defined?

What appears to be more flexible is the way we see ourselves, internally and psychologically identify and desire others to see us.

We cannot force others to see us in particular ways, nor is it healthy to deny what we are. And here is the interesting thing. We are and can be many things. We hold multiple identities and self-perceptions simultaneously and there is nothing wrong with that.

We live in a world that generally does not like grey areas of reality. The perceived concreteness of black and white helps us generally feel safer. But safe from what?

Serious contemplation. Is it a problem if someone asks you to refer to them as a man or even a peacock if they are not a peacock or if at birth their chromosomes stipulated being a biological female? What are the outcomes or possible individual or collective ramifications for embracing this way of being?

Similarly, is it a problem to force someone to see you or refer to you in a particular way, and if they do not or if they cannot see “reason,” they are internally shamed into being bigots and/or prejudiced?

We live in a world that appears confused, angry, and scared on many fronts. We struggle to have mature conversations about what all of this means. We become threatened easily and as a result of that – unsafe and defensive. We react, we are dysregulated and anyone that disagrees with us (wherever we stand) is the enemy.

This will not create more inclusion, equity, and fairness which is what the “goal” for most is. This is a very complex “new” topic and phenomenon sweeping the Western world but just because it carries challenges and layers doesn’t mean we cannot explore it.

What are your thoughts on this?

One is glad to be of service.

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



Through Thick and Thin

Take your relationship to new frontiers often. Travel, discover new ways to surprise each other, dress differently, speak differently, dance together, learn a language and NEVER GIVE UP on the new that can be created in your sacred union.

The Magnetic Holding

There is a calmness that comes from knowing you are held. When a woman knows she is held and seen for who she truly is there is placidity that unravels within the chasms of her heart space.

There is a peacefulness that comes from being known for who you truly are. A peace that tells our bodies we no longer need to pretend. We no longer need to exert so much energy towards the masks of excess protection.

Feeling “Safe Enough”

We live in a world where intimacy is almost exclusively associated with sex and sexual expression. We define intimacy by how open, novel, and “risky” we can be sexually. Sexual exploration is super important and we must understand where our yearning to explore is coming from?

The Great Divide

Space… The great divide. I am not speaking to the space we may know as outer space, the cosmos or the universe. I am referring to the space we require in relationships. We forget the utter importance of what space provides us.
Space is a bridge. Attraction, eroticism, connection and intimacy not only comes from closeness, but it comes from space, distance and a yearning to be in each other’s presence. And the creation of space is an “art”. Too much and one is perhaps forgotten, not often enough and one may feel suffocated and the loss of magnetism.

The Unavailable Man

The unavailable man is not only unavailable to you, but he is also unavailable to himself… Unavailability can be super evident or it can hide in the shadows. Your partner (mirror and extension of usually the father figure or archetype) will keep coming back into your life as a man that is emotionally unavailable, physically distant, a perpetual long-distance relationship, not prioritizing you, and much more.


Complete this assessment to uncover the exact blocks preventing you from attracting and experiencing the love and intimacy you truly desire

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