Self-identity Versus Gender

Biological sex and gender are more fixed and defined. However, self-identity is more fluid and subjective.

This is a controversial topic in this day and age. When we look at gonadal, hormonal, genetic, genital, and chromosomal sex and gender are we not more defined?

What appears to be more flexible is the way we see ourselves, internally and psychologically identify and desire others to see us.

We cannot force others to see us in particular ways, nor is it healthy to deny what we are. And here is the interesting thing. We are and can be many things. We hold multiple identities and self-perceptions simultaneously and there is nothing wrong with that.

We live in a world that generally does not like grey areas of reality. The perceived concreteness of black and white helps us generally feel safer. But safe from what?

Serious contemplation. Is it a problem if someone asks you to refer to them as a man or even a peacock if they are not a peacock or if at birth their chromosomes stipulated being a biological female? What are the outcomes or possible individual or collective ramifications for embracing this way of being?

Similarly, is it a problem to force someone to see you or refer to you in a particular way, and if they do not or if they cannot see “reason,” they are internally shamed into being bigots and/or prejudiced?

We live in a world that appears confused, angry, and scared on many fronts. We struggle to have mature conversations about what all of this means. We become threatened easily and as a result of that – unsafe and defensive. We react, we are dysregulated and anyone that disagrees with us (wherever we stand) is the enemy.

This will not create more inclusion, equity, and fairness which is what the “goal” for most is. This is a very complex “new” topic and phenomenon sweeping the Western world but just because it carries challenges and layers doesn’t mean we cannot explore it.

What are your thoughts on this?

One is glad to be of service.

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



8 Ways To Find Laser-like Clarity and Start Living Your Highest Purpose

In order to begin a journey of mastery we must be clear on who we are and what we wish to be, whilst choosing consciously to move towards desired states of being that align with our highest truth…

The World I Have Come To Know

As I sit and watch, observe the world around me behave, watching my nephews eat and people stroll, walk and run past I can’t help but to feel the world around me…

Ever since I was a child I could really FEEL the world, people and their pain. I would feel their pain in order to not feel alone in the world. I also experienced so much of it myself that I wanted to help others with their pain.

The Essence Of Intimacy

How can we trust? Why do we need to trust? If we do not trust, we do not connect. If we cannot connect we are bypassing basic human function, not fulfilling what the ‘social brain’ needs in order to flourish and thrive…?

No Man Is An Island

As men we are inadvertently told and shown that independence reigns supreme and whilst I am a massive advocate for self-reliance, solitude and autonomy we still need each other. We are relational beings and the days of the lone wolf are over. There is a balance and by feeling, we neutralize that pain. We don’t allow the complex layers of our psyche to take over.

Masculine Sexual Complexity

I spent many years not having a very healthy relationship to sexuality – the act itself, my sexual projections and my sexual essence. I used sex as a means to validate my worthiness and how I viewed myself. The truth is I manipulated the art of sexuality to attempt to fill a void that was not fillable.

This was the case because I was living from fear and using sexuality, external desirability, and the quantity of sex as a measuring tool for self-worry. Yes, it was about hedonistic self-gratifying pleasure and it was also a scream for intimacy and connection.


Complete this assessment to uncover the exact blocks preventing you from attracting and experiencing the love and intimacy you truly desire

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