He is not interested in perfection. He can never be what he does not pursue. He makes mistakes. He feels pain. He loses track of his truth. He hurts himself. He at times unintentionally hurts others. He becomes confused. He forgets his mission at times. He feels pressure and can be reactive. The awakened man however consistently returns to facing his shadows, doing his inner work and above all is WILLING to face all that he is not in order to become all that he was born to be… To serve himself, his lover, his community, and earth… 

We place such unrealistic expectations on ourselves that then leaks into our relationships. I remember the moment where I really turned harsh self-judgment on its head. I mean I really got it, viscerally in my body, it dropped like it was there the whole time and I couldn’t see it or even access it.

It was a warm day, I had finished training, I was on my driveway, the sun was behind some clouds, the birds were chirping and it was beautiful in California… I was now speaking with my coach at the time. He was guiding me through some processes around shame, guilt, and self-judgment.

And during this process, we were accessing some memories from my childhood around how dad saw me and how I thought dad saw me and how I saw myself through the lens of how dad saw me… I know very confusing, right. But something clicked within me.

I had been holding myself back for so fucking long… I was so judgmental of myself because that is how my dad saw himself and projected that on to me. I took that on. I made his reality mine. I looked up to him so much and wanted his approval so much, that I made myself be like him.

And in meeting impossible expectations, I judged myself harshly, never feeling enough and adept and by default passed those expectations and judgments on to others. Expecting them to be more, do more, and give more. This distanced intimacy, connection, and closeness.

Back to the driveway… It just hit me, like a tonne of bricks. I push others away and am regularly angry at others because I am angry at myself. I judge myself so harshly that I am constantly frustrated at people and this makes others move away…

Which further perpetuated this belief that I am not good enough. This realization lifted something from me. A pressure I never consciously knew was there… I felt an immediate change and immediate closeness to that little boy within me that had been crying for help for so long.

Being willing to look at this gave me freedom… You can experience this also. 

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author