Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

Gender Reverence

When we choose to see, feel and interact beyond the normative lens of segregation we grow. This does not mean we do not value difference – biological, social, cultural, behavioural, relational, neurological, hormonal, etc. It means though, that we do not discriminate, bias towards or subjugate on prima-facie value based on obvious or subtle physical or ideological differences.

We do not hate or are abhorrent towards others because they are just ‘different’ to us. Gender (amongst many other aspects of being human) has been a massive contention in our society for millennia. Over the thousands of years of ‘evolved’ and ‘civilised’ culture we have oscillated between gender supremacy. Largely remaining in extreme expressions of maleness that have been associated with unhealthy expressions of masculinity.

This means that we, as a greater collective have curated and been made to follow the principles of a dominant select few that have reigned extreme ruling over society. These patriarchal and non-equitable systems have expressed extremity at every turn, not only limiting those they are pressing but also their own being with the same hand and action.

There has been no real upside to this (bar the fact that we have experienced the deep contrast that has brought us to where we are). The downside has been suppression, oppression, discrimination, judgment, fear-laden action and we have been lead with heavy hands.

Any person or group that has resembled some form of familiarity with the ruling class of each cultural period has been cut some slack in terms of not being ostracised massively, nevertheless there has been separation. When we choose to revere our humanity, we settle in to a space of respect, appreciation and recognition of the value that others bring to us.

How can we see others without tainting them with negativity or a ‘less than’ attitude just because of their ‘difference’? How have we come to value (systemically, unconsciously and overtly) contrasted values without recognising the values that other groups and individuals bring to the party…? This is a devolving state of being that we have been immersed in for too long.

We must open our hearts, forgive (ourselves, others, the past, the now, the future), hold deep compassion, present expansive minds, collaborate, create and allow a new vision to unfold and commence – one that is inclusive, values difference and celebrates the power within us all. But how can we forget the pain of the past and present? How can we not be tired constantly having to fight the oppressive forces that are entrenched in our societies? 

We are tired, men are tired of having to meet a normative perception that is not natural. Women are tired of being treated in ways that are unfair, not healthy, disconnected and cruel. People are tired of not being seen, because we are living in a society that segregates and limits. How long can we maintain this facade, this extreme expression?

We are suffering and limiting ourselves. Those that are fearful of change are entrenched and locked down in their ways. They are unwilling to shift the paradigm, systemically stuck in fear and a perception of loss. This mindset will not unlock a new paradigm but rather perpetuate the old and useless.

I am not requesting we lose ourselves in this process. Yes, parts of us that are fear based must dissipate, but the best of who we are may remain and expand. I am asking that we redefine ourselves, how we view each other, ourselves, our humanity, our past, our current behaviours, attitudes, models of reality and our future.

This will require our complete attention, an overhaul of how we view the world. Those scared to lose their power will remain in fear, perpetuate and close more than just their power. It needn’t be ‘a this or that’ scenario. Shifting ideologies does not equate to losing our minds. It can mean enhancement, betterment and societal evolution.

When we live in contrasted balance and at peace and equilibrium with who we are, we become harmonised and essentially we are saving ourselves from ourselves…

One is always glad to be of service.

Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker
Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

Are You Vulnerable Enough?

The vulnerability and “owning my shadow” card can be fickle. We pretend to be vulnerable and truthful by showing and owning our shadows openly or expressing one of MANY that we have. More often than not though, this is a deflection of what’s really ailing us at a deeper level that we fear intensely, so we unconsciously pretend to be courageous about this more minor pain/shadow, in order to avoid dealing with the greater beast that resides within…

Go Deep To Go Far

There is so much superficial shit out there. The problem isn’t superficiality, the ‘puzzle’ (as opposed to the problem) is we remain in the superficial for too long. We are too scared to venture into the deep (we will come back around to this).

The superficial is actually healthy and a place where we can find common ground. Imagine being on a date – getting to know someone and your first question is: “so tell me your deepest childhood trauma”?

The 5 Things You Can Do When You Are Being Gaslighted

Gaslighting, rather than it being a psychological pathology, is a character trait that’s associated with narcissism and being anti-social. It involves manipulation, controlling, and making their “victims” question their reality or make them feel vulnerable and confused.

The Talk To Trauma

We speak a great deal to the wounds of the past, the pain we have experienced ‘growing up’. We can be debilitated unknowingly by the pain we harbour within because we have been unable to release the tension certain experiences have caused us – the feeling of an endless mountain looms ahead.

How I Stopped Playing The Victim

We often play the victim when we lack belief in ourselves. We play the victim to get attention and validation. I know I did. We also have an approach of blaming others for our misfortunes or even being highly codependent. My self-worth was so low that I needed to beg in all the different ways for people to SEE me and validate me. I searched outside of myself for love and compromised myself during that journey.

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