Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

Masculine Closeness & Sexuality

I just finished leading my weekly webinar with my group of men from Reclaim Your Kingdom. It was a beautiful unravelling of truth, honesty and transparency.

The recurring themes were emasculation through sexuality, self-love and the yearning for closeness. Not knowing how to, we as men (so many of us) have reverted to unhealthy practices of sexuality.

We have moved through such a depth of emptiness, where we have disconnected from ourselves and disconnected from the expression of healthy sexual energy.

We all yearn for connection, closeness, deep opening and a yearning for intimate exchange, to learn, grow and become fuller versions of ourselves. This was the recurring theme amongst all of the men this evening – to go deep, but not knowing how to because of all the cultural, familial, and systemic pollution we have been fed and then chosen to assimilate in to our being as ‘hard fact and truth’.

We must learn as men to be more discerning with the choices we make and who we are as men – too soften when we need to an step in to vertical vulnerability and discerning power when called to. Observing our patterns of behaviour, being-ness and and sexual expression can liberate us if we allow it to.

Self-abuse, entrenched in unhealthy, fear, pain and extended pornography as a tool for ignoring, isolation, distraction and dissociating is the unhealthy self. The healthy self is connected, vibrant, full, honest, inquisitive, feeling and present.

We ignore the wonder of who we are. Society feels and thinks that men are dissociated with their sexuality (and they are) by nature (but not by nature by conditioning).

We reveal ourselves when we get real with ourselves, when we commit to being transparent with who we are and want we want. We seek connection. But first we must fulfill ourselves by filling our own cup with the essence of who we are through our own spark.

When we do this, we evolve to be men of stature, men of strength, men of connection. When we understand our darkness, we become full. When we make peace with our pain, fears, insecurities, addictions, darkness and solace we we live a life of wholeness.

We feel empty, lifeless and disconnected in our sexuality if we ignore the truth of what we want. If we deny our need to connect and learn from each other in depth, we are denying who we are. We live in fallacy and ignorant detachment.

Immaturity in sexuality comes from not choosing to explore the depths of being, not knowing how to understand self, nurture self and love self so that we can then express this to those in our lives that we value and that matter.

We all wish to be seen, heard, known and felt – even if we fear it. We thrive and grow and transmute the old through this process of elevating self and merging the mind, matter and spirit.

Consciousness stems from being present to ignoring societal norms that are unhealthy and oppressed. When we reach a state of connected consciousness, we become more mindful of who we wish to allow in to our lives.

Healthy dynamics come from cultivating solid and connected relationships with our inner feminine and masculine bodies and expression. Sexuality can be transcendent, transmutative and liberating. We are ready to release our pain and step in to our power. Move from chaos and profoundly in to clarity…

One is always glad to be of service.

Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker
Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker
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Home in Retrospect

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Yes, it has been nurturing to my soul, my dear friends, blessed life long connections, family and loved ones, yet I feel displaced. Have you ever been somewhere that felt so familiar, yet you feel you didn’t belong anymore? I am here.

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There are no excuses for someone mistreating you, however, there are reasons. Understanding these possible reasons bridges the gap between response and reaction (and reaction often damages relationships). This understanding provides us with two important access points to greater consciousness and relationships.

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I spent so much of my life not being heard, not being felt, not being seen, understood or connected to. I spent so much of my life attempting to appease and please others. Suffering myself and demoting my needs and values and elevating others at the expense of my own.

Male Sexual Mastery

“When we master our sexual selves as men, the feminine will pulsate wildly, yearning to be felt, touched, seen and known for who she is. She will have faith in your ability to hold her, touch her and grip her with the integrated power that is you. Until such mastery, we waiver and are weakened by unconscious impulses. Open to the unconscious becoming conscious and sexual liberation and freedom awaits you…”

Seeking External Validation

Ever feel like that? Like enough is never enough? Feels good for a minute or a few days and then you feel empty again? The iPhone is great for a couple of weeks and then you’re wondering what’s next? The brand new BMW is great for a month but then the novelty wears off. Then what… This can be true for so many of us and can be a hard pill to swallow. The incessant pursuit of validation or wanting to feel full through gaining more, having more and relying on how others perceive us can be a painful journey.

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