Seeking External Validation

A male client told me he’s tired of feeling empty after being so successful. 

I asked him “What are you most scared of?” 

“Not being respected and others thinking less of me.” 

“Then you will keep feeling empty until you begin to live beyond external validation,” I told him.

This applies to ALL of us… Ever feel like that? Like enough is never enough? Feels good for a minute or a few days and then you feel empty again? The iPhone is great for a couple of weeks and then you’re wondering what’s next? The brand new BMW is great for a month but then the novelty wears off. Then what… This can be true for so many of us and can be a hard pill to swallow. The incessant pursuit of validation or wanting to feel full through gaining more, having more and relying on how others perceive us can be a painful journey.

Why? Because we are placing our power in the clasps of the unknown. Success can be a never-ending empty pit. I know in my life for so long I was driven by wanting to impress my father in more unconscious than conscious ways.

I would do things, pursue experiences and be in the world from a place of wanting to make him happy. And I didn’t even know it. It was a longing I had that felt empty every time I achieved or did. Because I either wasn’t really aligned with it or if it did mean something genuine to me, I didn’t feel complete with it because I was waiting for him to validate me.

Even now I need to check myself. “Is the action I am taking in the world vein driven by a perceived lack within me or by unresolved pain?” I ask these questions because sometimes I think maybe there are still some layers there? Remember, there is nothing “wrong” with wanting. It is just where they want is being driven… This may be your story, maybe it’s not. Truth is we need to determine why we do what do in the world and what success TRULY and AUTHENTICALLY means to us. Not someone else’s version or because we lack self-worth and are trying to compensate with things, accolades and temporary/short-lived validation.

You’re better than that. You’re more than that. And the world needs your drive in the most genuine way possible. Live a life that is real, without being plagued by fear. Free from the past and from incessant tension.

One is glad to be of service.


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



Close Your Eyes – Open Your Soul

Imagine moving close to the one that tantalises the sensation of alertness on your skin, but not too close.

Visualise your body making ever the slightest of contact on the body of your beloved for the first time, then immediately pulling away.

Feel your breath become more rapid with anticipation.

Suicide Is Never An Option

We call suicide selfish. Most men do not see it this way. Men isolate and are isolated for many reasons. People who genuinely feel loved and needed rarely commit suicide. Men are more likely to commit suicide returning from war, being unemployed, isolated in life, losing their life savings or if they become incapacitated. Man need love – from women, tribe/community, his children and himself.

The Place Beyond Knowing

There is a place – a space that occupies the sub structures of our minds that resides beyond the conscious self.

This place is what we do not know, what we are not aware of and what is not familiar.

It is here in this place where there is so much that we know, yet are unaware of. Here, there is a story being constructed that we are architecting, it has no idea.

What Women Truly Desire From Their Men

This list is a guide as to how we as men can show up with greater presence, truth and awareness in relationship to self and others. Relationship can ask us to be the best versions of self.

Will you adhere to the call? We all have needs and desires. There have been times in my life that I have wanted more from others, however in reality I was really wanting more from myself.

I Am Still Here – WE Are Still Here

In the very short time I have been present on this planet I have had (like many of us) what I call a range of diverse and deep experiences. I have been plummeted in to the depths and chasms of despair, suffering and pain, yet I am still here.

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