Seeking External Validation

A male client told me he’s tired of feeling empty after being so successful. 

I asked him “What are you most scared of?” 

“Not being respected and others thinking less of me.” 

“Then you will keep feeling empty until you begin to live beyond external validation,” I told him.

This applies to ALL of us… Ever feel like that? Like enough is never enough? Feels good for a minute or a few days and then you feel empty again? The iPhone is great for a couple of weeks and then you’re wondering what’s next? The brand new BMW is great for a month but then the novelty wears off. Then what… This can be true for so many of us and can be a hard pill to swallow. The incessant pursuit of validation or wanting to feel full through gaining more, having more and relying on how others perceive us can be a painful journey.

Why? Because we are placing our power in the clasps of the unknown. Success can be a never-ending empty pit. I know in my life for so long I was driven by wanting to impress my father in more unconscious than conscious ways.

I would do things, pursue experiences and be in the world from a place of wanting to make him happy. And I didn’t even know it. It was a longing I had that felt empty every time I achieved or did. Because I either wasn’t really aligned with it or if it did mean something genuine to me, I didn’t feel complete with it because I was waiting for him to validate me.

Even now I need to check myself. “Is the action I am taking in the world vein driven by a perceived lack within me or by unresolved pain?” I ask these questions because sometimes I think maybe there are still some layers there? Remember, there is nothing “wrong” with wanting. It is just where they want is being driven… This may be your story, maybe it’s not. Truth is we need to determine why we do what do in the world and what success TRULY and AUTHENTICALLY means to us. Not someone else’s version or because we lack self-worth and are trying to compensate with things, accolades and temporary/short-lived validation.

You’re better than that. You’re more than that. And the world needs your drive in the most genuine way possible. Live a life that is real, without being plagued by fear. Free from the past and from incessant tension.

One is glad to be of service.


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



‘Fighting’ The Resistance

Do you feel unsafe in your life? To feel safe, immerse in the unsafe, familiarise yourself with this state so that it no longer becomes the unknown. Make the uncomfortable deeply comfortable and from here you will flourish….

To Feel Without Judgment

How do we feel? When feeling becomes so painful, so raw, so intense, so deep, how do we surrender or be present to these feelings?

Own All Of You

I have not always been confident in who I am, in my body, mind and heart. I have doubted, felt deeply intense fear and lost my self in negative and harmful actions towards myself and others. I have not been connected to my body and have carried shame in this area, alongside my thoughts and emotions.

Are You Afraid Of Being Alone?

How much time do you spend with yourself? We are so drowned out by the millions of voices, the busyness, the clutter, the bombardment of ‘do this’, ‘buy that’ and ‘be this’, that we have forgotten our true nature.

You Are Enough

I spent so much of my life in hiding. Hiding from my fears, my anger, my insecurities, my pain, my past. I spent my life hating on myself, filling my mind with the lies I was not enough and not worthy.

You know the dialogue… “Not smart enough, not strong enough, not popular enough, not wealthy enough, just not enough. I covered the not ‘enoughness’ with either retraction or aggression.d

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