Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

The End Of An Era Of Isolation

I spent so much of my life not being heard, not being felt, not being seen, understood or connected to. I spent so much of my life attempting to appease and please others. Suffering myself and demoting my needs and values and elevating others at the expense of my own.

I did not value me, did not respect and revere me, did connect to me and did not love me. I felt isolated, disconnected, fractured and far removed form any form of wholeness. I lashed out to the world.

Left to my own interpretation of what I thought and felt I was I became self-destructive, fluctuating between internalising pain and suffering and lashing out to the world and being overt. My outer world became a reflection of my inner world – critical, harsh, judgemental, fearful and aggressive in expression. I felt disconnected.

I felt mask after mask after mask being layered up on the core of who and what I was and I knew I was responsible but projected and externalised my blame. I felt lost, disorientated and in turmoil. No real outlet to express because I was neglecting going within – I mean truly within and attempting to feel full and comprehend ‘who am I and why am I’…

I felt the pressure of being a man and meeting some ill-informed and unrealistic set standard of what it mean to be a man. To be in uniform, structured, solid without consciousness, clarity, presence and connectedness. To be closed in posture and defiant to openness.

I chose this and was dealing with the confusion and cluttered mind. So, I made a choice to be different, to not adhere to generalised norms and to break free from the shackles of projected limitations. I chose to go deep, to explore, to accept, to be kind, to realise that transformation was ‘an inside job’. I needed the world, but needed me (one in the same).

I observed life from a place of progression, not perfection. Possibility and not limitation. I observed and felt in to chaos as patterns I had not yet identified that if I remained with (in silence), would provide me with context, meaning, release and relief. These unidentified (yet) and chaotic (seemingly) patterns were here to serve me, help me grow and transcend.

Albeit painful, I leveraged my inner warrior. A warrior essence and expression I had utilised in extremes previously, I now transmuted in to serving my soul and path as opposed to demoralising myself. I transmuted this power in to service, not hindrance.

I used skills that allowed me to be an extreme expression of an unhealthy man and transmuted these skills in to what it meant to be a healthy man to me. To help me grow, connect, feel and be greater grounded in to self.

This became a powerful vehicle for transformation and empowerment. I no longer felt isolated and misunderstood or not known because I began to step in to my own sovereign power. I began to look to myself for value, worthiness and justification. I was able to do this because I got congruent, clear and connected to who I truly was. I became greater aware and was able to shift patterns that were rooted in fear and maladaptive coping strategies. I realised the recognition of my own worth was my greatest source of power and service.

When as men we create this presence we grow profoundly and change from being disconnected and unworthy beings to acting from a dislocated place to acting in integrity and congruent and authentically mirrored posturing.

This is game-changer. We become safer and stable as men. We are able to be vertical and feel heard, because we are hearing ourselves through a clear channel and therefore needn’t be unconsciously frustrated and lash out to the world.

When we live through our fears and pains we transcend the heartache, body ache and soul ache of being isolated.

One is always glad to be of service.

Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker
Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

Repressing Longings Hurts Others

When we repress our deep longings, we hurt others.

Importantly, we hurt and deny ourselves of pleasure and joy. When we do this, we limit our expression and the quality of relationships we can receive in our lives.

From Fracture We Are Reborn

We often chastise pain in the form of fracture or confusion. We wish to eliminate doubt from our being and whilst being riddled with doubt long term is not healthy, these embodied states play a crucial role in our psychological, emotional, spiritual and social development.

These ‘broken’ states that we experience have the capacity to liberate us by shining a light of wisdom and attention to what no longer serves us and is no longer working for us.

Who’s Your Brother?

Men are too isolated, lonely, disconnected and not aware of the need to have men in their lives.
Men today have fallen from their own grace. Men have lost their own sense of deep responsibility in honouring the path of brotherhood. In a world of hyper-competition and fears driven action we have become isolated by our own conditioning. Men were born to be warriors. Like we will never directly relate to the giving of birth, the bond between warrior brothers is one reserved for the connected man.

Role-mate Or Soul-mate?

A role-mate is born of desperation, survival and fear. We get together to survive, not thrive. We don’t share deep values, we are here to serve primal needs only. Our intimacy is empty and scarce. We base our relationships on convenient agreements of doing in the world. Soul-mates come together to thrive, expand their connection to self, each other and the world. They are here to grow and explore their sexuality, spirituality, contributions and more. They are clear that they are here to serve the greater good of society and themselves. Which are you???

The Unavailable Man

The unavailable man is not only unavailable to you, but he is also unavailable to himself… Unavailability can be super evident or it can hide in the shadows. Your partner (mirror and extension of usually the father figure or archetype) will keep coming back into your life as a man that is emotionally unavailable, physically distant, a perpetual long-distance relationship, not prioritizing you, and much more.

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