Male Sexual Mastery

“When we master our sexual selves as men, the feminine will pulsate wildly, yearning to be felt, touched, seen and known for who she is. She will have faith in your ability to hold her, touch her and grip her with the integrated power that is you. Until such mastery, we waiver and are weakened by unconscious impulses. Open to the unconscious becoming conscious and sexual liberation and freedom awaits you…”

Men, now more than ever we must assume responsibility, connectedness and a yearning for mastery of our sexual selves. In order to master our sexuality we must learn how to treat ourselves and others and remove the shame and clutter that blocks us deeply.

Those we are attracted to and how we respond to this internalised stimulus will define the level of unified connection and intimate bonding we experience. The depths of contemplative understanding and kinaesthetic feeling we move through.

Cultivating a seed of sexual desire that grows out of a healthy natured state as opposed to a reactive, culturally distorted place is crucial if we are to connect meaningfully to our own path and to that of others. To honour another and their integrated (physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological) being is liberating and grounding.

As men, we are either taught to repress our healthy sexual desires, natural impulses and thoughts or to step into hyper-masculine posturing and be aggressive, forceful, violent and abhorrent in expressing our sexuality. What we find from these extremes is a distortion in self. We lose the authentic nature of who we are.

Finding this homeostatic middle ground where there is freedom and non-judgement (of self in particularly) is where we liberate ourselves and relieve ourselves of so much suppressed fear and pain.

We become inappropriate and disproportionate in our expression when we oppress our true orientation. When we shame and blame ourselves for just being ourselves. For cultivating desire and preference and particularly in sexual expression.

Where do we start? We begin by being real with who we are. We begin by acknowledging our psycho-emotional and biological urges to be sexual, connect openly, bond and be intimate. We begin with acknowledging our capacity for both softness and ravishment all supported through safe and connected care.

We then sublimate or move that energy we feel within when we are attracted to someone. We can really only act outwardly with immediate haste once we have established deep rapport and safety with another. If you are in intimate partnership and have communicated boundaries, needs, desires, wants, etc. then ravishment is generally welcomed with WIDE open arms.

Now, by breathing intentionally through our internal processes as men we gain acute and fervent context and perspective. By being attentive to the internal dialogue we hold and the feelings that arise we become mindful and masterful. This is not suppression but rather an appropriate redirection of internal energy.

It is also reverent and respectful of those we are feeling in to and rather than projecting potential immature, misunderstood, unfiltered and often unhealthy energy – we begin to connect to the truth of our interest.

Rather than mindless infatuation we generate sincere wonderment and astonishment for our sexual focuses. Rather than objectifying women and looking at them as objects of immediate sexual gratification we can go deeper than that. This is part of our sexual evolution. This is perhaps why women (in part) are also sexually shut down in certain ways?

There is NOTHING wrong with having pure biological urges to be sexual with another human being. This is very healthy. It is HOW we express, relate and are connected to this (within this consciousness) that determines our own level of inner wisdom, awareness and connectedness. Where are these urges coming from and more importantly, what are we making them mean?

The man who directs his energy in an unconscious predatory manner is essentially unhealthy in his relationship to self – there is a vast difference between this and satisfying basic biological urges. A man who is obsessed with ejaculation at any cost is suffering within. Again, this is very different from knowing and understanding our biological urges and being preset to our evolution of the collective and the self.

Women feel when they are being watched in a particular way, when they are not being seen for ALL that they are. A shutting down of self occurs in order to protect. A retraction takes place. We, as men also feel this and become frustrated – a now fear cycle of dominance begins to take place.

We must earn the trust and build safety in relating. When we do this two people may come together and share the energy of ravishment and ravaging. Two people may be open and connected in doing so. When we integrate the layers of intelligence into our deliberate sexual expressions (such as emotional intelligence), we grow and bond in deepened intimacy. Unravelling into cosmic union.

When we learn to bow our warrior essence in deep gratitude and reverence directed towards those we desire from a place of openness and clearness we are merging profoundly. To entice your lover is to reveal yourself fully and openly without shame. Once we establish safety, we may call our lover the reciprocal object of our desire, because we are creating and living and thinking and feeling from a different place.

When as men we open our hearts to that which we cherish and are more willful and intentional with our actions we create a magnified radiance in the energy we share. When you see that woman that you do not yet know, breathe in the fullness of her being – beyond just the physical (this is only one component of her beauty).

Remember, our consciousness has expanded rapidly into multifaceted beings. Feel that awakened sexual energy you have cultivated, feel that power. Be with it and transmute it into vision, purpose, action and movement in the world. Do so with intention. Don’t simply choose to not ejaculate and do nothing with it. Direct it towards something of meaning and value.

Master you inner world with stoic silence, stillness and solitude. Use this energy to understand and know yourself deeper. There is such integral power in this posturing. There is an allure in the mystery you are cultivating.

When you meet that feminine energy you resonate with, be with it fully. Do not distance yourself. Be present to that wisdom SHE emanates, the power she holds. She is waiting to be taken and to also take but not from blind posturing, but masterful and deliberate intent.

This implies a deep knowing. Knowing implies wisdom, implies safety, implies trust, implies reverence, implies presence. To hold presence one must not be unconscious, but rather attentive and HERE and NOW. Our sexual selves are screaming to be heard. To integrate with this new up-levelled holding of consciousness. You are ready to combine higher consciousness with your valued grounded physiology.

We often speak of “If you had a superpower, what would it be?” You have it. It is your ability to integrate and merge fully your grounded sexuality with presence and cosmic consciousness. We are ready, men.

One is glad to be of service. S.Sifandos.


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



To Ravage and Ravish

See beyond man and woman for a moment.

You want to ravage and ravish the feminine in your life… Then be safety, be heart-centered presence, be consistent, be that container you are meant to be.

For the feminine to open herself up, to flower to you, to show herself fully the masculine must meet her where she is. The masculine must learn to lead that dance.

The Tragedy Of Not Sacrificing

Sacrificing or ‘to sacrifice’ often receives a ‘bad wrap’. Why even sacrifice what we value? Perhaps the experience is not worthy of our immersion and embodiment, our attention and energy? Why place ourselves in a position where we may perceive ourselves to be ‘losing’…?

Where Do You Place Your Kindness?

Some of us find it easier to serve a global mission, donate blood, feed a starving village or be physically present at a natural disaster, rebuilding the homes, lives and social structures of others, then to be present to the intimate and immediate needs of a loved one…

Keeping It Real

For us to love each other we must respect each others anger.

Fierceness is an expression of inner strength; violence is an expression of frustrated, unconscious impotence. To disagree when in Union is natural.

We think disagreement is bad! What looks like a fight is maybe the fierceness of love raging passionately in to the space that lovers occupy. More often than not, it’s individuated wounding rising to the surface.

Excuses Are Not Masculine

When we make excuses we negate responsibility and therefore defuse our power. This is unattractive and makes us as men untrustworthy.

Recently having facilitated hundreds of men through deep transformational and explorative work I realized profoundly that our excuses are holding us back from intimacy and connection – to be seen and to witness.


Complete this assessment to uncover the exact blocks preventing you from attracting and experiencing the love and intimacy you truly desire

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