Male Sexual Mastery

“When we master our sexual selves as men, the feminine will pulsate wildly, yearning to be felt, touched, seen and known for who she is. She will have faith in your ability to hold her, touch her and grip her with the integrated power that is you. Until such mastery, we waiver and are weakened by unconscious impulses. Open to the unconscious becoming conscious and sexual liberation and freedom awaits you…”

Men, now more than ever we must assume responsibility, connectedness and a yearning for mastery of our sexual selves. In order to master our sexuality we must learn how to treat ourselves and others and remove the shame and clutter that blocks us deeply.

Those we are attracted to and how we respond to this internalised stimulus will define the level of unified connection and intimate bonding we experience. The depths of contemplative understanding and kinaesthetic feeling we move through.

Cultivating a seed of sexual desire that grows out of a healthy natured state as opposed to a reactive, culturally distorted place is crucial if we are to connect meaningfully to our own path and to that of others. To honour another and their integrated (physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological) being is liberating and grounding.

As men, we are either taught to repress our healthy sexual desires, natural impulses and thoughts or to step into hyper-masculine posturing and be aggressive, forceful, violent and abhorrent in expressing our sexuality. What we find from these extremes is a distortion in self. We lose the authentic nature of who we are.

Finding this homeostatic middle ground where there is freedom and non-judgement (of self in particularly) is where we liberate ourselves and relieve ourselves of so much suppressed fear and pain.

We become inappropriate and disproportionate in our expression when we oppress our true orientation. When we shame and blame ourselves for just being ourselves. For cultivating desire and preference and particularly in sexual expression.

Where do we start? We begin by being real with who we are. We begin by acknowledging our psycho-emotional and biological urges to be sexual, connect openly, bond and be intimate. We begin with acknowledging our capacity for both softness and ravishment all supported through safe and connected care.

We then sublimate or move that energy we feel within when we are attracted to someone. We can really only act outwardly with immediate haste once we have established deep rapport and safety with another. If you are in intimate partnership and have communicated boundaries, needs, desires, wants, etc. then ravishment is generally welcomed with WIDE open arms.

Now, by breathing intentionally through our internal processes as men we gain acute and fervent context and perspective. By being attentive to the internal dialogue we hold and the feelings that arise we become mindful and masterful. This is not suppression but rather an appropriate redirection of internal energy.

It is also reverent and respectful of those we are feeling in to and rather than projecting potential immature, misunderstood, unfiltered and often unhealthy energy – we begin to connect to the truth of our interest.

Rather than mindless infatuation we generate sincere wonderment and astonishment for our sexual focuses. Rather than objectifying women and looking at them as objects of immediate sexual gratification we can go deeper than that. This is part of our sexual evolution. This is perhaps why women (in part) are also sexually shut down in certain ways?

There is NOTHING wrong with having pure biological urges to be sexual with another human being. This is very healthy. It is HOW we express, relate and are connected to this (within this consciousness) that determines our own level of inner wisdom, awareness and connectedness. Where are these urges coming from and more importantly, what are we making them mean?

The man who directs his energy in an unconscious predatory manner is essentially unhealthy in his relationship to self – there is a vast difference between this and satisfying basic biological urges. A man who is obsessed with ejaculation at any cost is suffering within. Again, this is very different from knowing and understanding our biological urges and being preset to our evolution of the collective and the self.

Women feel when they are being watched in a particular way, when they are not being seen for ALL that they are. A shutting down of self occurs in order to protect. A retraction takes place. We, as men also feel this and become frustrated – a now fear cycle of dominance begins to take place.

We must earn the trust and build safety in relating. When we do this two people may come together and share the energy of ravishment and ravaging. Two people may be open and connected in doing so. When we integrate the layers of intelligence into our deliberate sexual expressions (such as emotional intelligence), we grow and bond in deepened intimacy. Unravelling into cosmic union.

When we learn to bow our warrior essence in deep gratitude and reverence directed towards those we desire from a place of openness and clearness we are merging profoundly. To entice your lover is to reveal yourself fully and openly without shame. Once we establish safety, we may call our lover the reciprocal object of our desire, because we are creating and living and thinking and feeling from a different place.

When as men we open our hearts to that which we cherish and are more willful and intentional with our actions we create a magnified radiance in the energy we share. When you see that woman that you do not yet know, breathe in the fullness of her being – beyond just the physical (this is only one component of her beauty).

Remember, our consciousness has expanded rapidly into multifaceted beings. Feel that awakened sexual energy you have cultivated, feel that power. Be with it and transmute it into vision, purpose, action and movement in the world. Do so with intention. Don’t simply choose to not ejaculate and do nothing with it. Direct it towards something of meaning and value.

Master you inner world with stoic silence, stillness and solitude. Use this energy to understand and know yourself deeper. There is such integral power in this posturing. There is an allure in the mystery you are cultivating.

When you meet that feminine energy you resonate with, be with it fully. Do not distance yourself. Be present to that wisdom SHE emanates, the power she holds. She is waiting to be taken and to also take but not from blind posturing, but masterful and deliberate intent.

This implies a deep knowing. Knowing implies wisdom, implies safety, implies trust, implies reverence, implies presence. To hold presence one must not be unconscious, but rather attentive and HERE and NOW. Our sexual selves are screaming to be heard. To integrate with this new up-levelled holding of consciousness. You are ready to combine higher consciousness with your valued grounded physiology.

We often speak of “If you had a superpower, what would it be?” You have it. It is your ability to integrate and merge fully your grounded sexuality with presence and cosmic consciousness. We are ready, men.

One is glad to be of service. S.Sifandos.


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



The Truthful Gaze

It can be difficult to honor ourselves. Self-love and self-honoring haven’t been a priority for the collective. We have become more accustomed to obsessing as opposed to healthy honor and worship of others instead of ourselves.

What if we could use the act of HEALTHY worship of another to provide us with deep insight in to our own worth? What if the healthy, non-attached, compassionate, wise and cosmic worship of another allowed us to see our worthiness and value?

Owning Anger

I’ve been angry at people, myself, collective leadership, culture and everything that isn’t “seamless” in life. I’m judging myself and not owning my anger. I’m stuck in a pattern of pitying myself and thinking I’m weak because I am angry. Whilst I’ve been aware of it, I haven’t slowed down ENOUGH to digest feeling the accumulation of the collective panic, I have been in “response mode”.

The Approval Of The Father

Ah that fleeting moment when Dad approves you with his warm smile… And then, gone… There is great dignity and reverence in feeling the warmth, the solidarity and the support of the sacred father or grandfather energy. I recall often as a child yearning for the approval and the support of my father. Dearly wanting his wisdom imparted, the gentleness of his hand to guide me through life as I at times felt like I was catapulting through the cosmos.

Are You Vulnerable Enough?

The vulnerability and “owning my shadow” card can be fickle. We pretend to be vulnerable and truthful by showing and owning our shadows openly or expressing one of MANY that we have. More often than not though, this is a deflection of what’s really ailing us at a deeper level that we fear intensely, so we unconsciously pretend to be courageous about this more minor pain/shadow, in order to avoid dealing with the greater beast that resides within…

Love Learns From The Past

In a relationship, we often let our past infiltrate our present. We allow our unconscious and unresolved wounding to dictate how we behave, how we treat others and how we see ourselves.
The ego simply wants to protect us, to keep us safe and help us remain in what is familiar to us. The ego-self is not “bad.”. The ego is simply grounding us and what it knows, keeping our bodies minds and the emotional being safe and away from harm.


Complete this assessment to uncover the exact blocks preventing you from attracting and experiencing the love and intimacy you truly desire

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