Doing The Inner Work

Firstly, this isn’t a gender thing. It’s a people thing. We are often really scared of change.

This is often a tough one in relationships. We want people to change with us, to do what we do, try what we try, feel what we feel and share similar interests.

At a primal level, it is our nervous system feeling safe in the presence of familiarity. Additionally, when we share similar paths, values and interests we are all part of the “in-group”. In social psychology, this is crucial to one’s feeling of being safe and surviving.

Imagine for a moment being alive 500,000 years ago being out in the wild. If you did something “wrong” you would be kicked out of the safety of the tribe. You would be an “out”cast, on your own in the “out-group”. This would mean certain death. It’s also why so many are terrified of public speaking. YOU vs. the many. If you say something wrong in that open forum you’re OUT!

There is something very primal about wanting others to see us and agree with us and similarly, we don’t want others to change. Imagine for a moment you were able to step into a deep compassion for your partner…

Assume your own this tremendous growth journey – yoga, Tony Robbins, meditations, immersive retreats, Byron Katie, breath practices, inner child healing, trauma therapy, juice cleansing – you know all the things.

And you really want your partner to get on board, but they are resistant… do your best to SEE (feel also) beyond the surface. Perhaps they were exposed to rapid change as a child (volatility, parents leaving suddenly, violence, etc) and change signifies turbulence, being left behind, isolation, loneliness and pain.

They then may have an aversion to change and new and novel things. Be patient. Live your life according to your values. Inspire through action, get clear on your non-negotiable, be gentle and know that you MAY have to have a difficult conversation but before that come from love, understanding and a willingness to focus healthily on you.

There is more to it than this and this may help you connect deeper to your truth and your partner’s.

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

[fbcomments]

KEEP READING

A Man’s Worth

I once thought that my worth as a man was derived from my title, status, what I accumulated and what I DID in the world. I honestly believed that the only way to feel worthy was defined by what I had, not who I am.

The One Thing That Creates Connection, Depth, and Intimacy

We learn at a young age to wear masks to protect ourselves and be part of the “in” or popular group. We seek validation, approval and acceptance of those we deify, love and respect (aka our parents, peers and society).
We can’t maintain this. We seek to be accepted in all the wrong ways. Masculine and feminine energies exist in all of us. They are simply contrasted energetic expressions of our thoughts, beliefs and reality.

The Wounded Feminine

This energy resides within all of us. Today let’s speak to the wounded feminine within a woman’s body. When a woman is in her wounded or shadow feminine, she is suffering.
This suffering is projected into the world as low self-worth. Nearly every action comes from a place of deficit, feeling not enough and needing to be seen and validated in unhealthy ways, a woman will compromise her values, integrity and commitments to self.

Home in Retrospect

It has been really difficult being back here “home”… What is home? It has changed for me so much. The last few years have been turbulent, revealing, painful, healing and empowering. Being back in this place has disorientated me in many ways.
Yes, it has been nurturing to my soul, my dear friends, blessed life long connections, family and loved ones, yet I feel displaced. Have you ever been somewhere that felt so familiar, yet you feel you didn’t belong anymore? I am here.

The Way Of The Superior Warrior

The way of the superior warrior is not about exclusion, possessiveness, dominance, slavery of the mind, self, emotional being, of others, of ideals or the disrespecting of tradition. Today’s warrior is predicated in peacefulness…