The Holding Through Tears – An Open Share
“As I sit here today, contemplating, feeling the feels, slightly melancholic, yet optimistic and clear – allowing myself to be with where I am I reflect deeply on the temporal nature of ‘things’ and how they affect us and can I come back to holding self? There is great joy in feeling fully and not bypassing parts of self. It leads to greater overall happiness and connection.
Most of my life has been lived in fallacy, yet carried with an underlying yearning for congruency. My greatest gifts (clarity, conscious empowerment, verticality, stability, knowing, resilience, compassion, the opening of my heart and so much more) were reached through an exploration of the fullness of my own self – a deep dive in to the entire spectrum that is the mystery of life”.
There arrives a time in our lives where we must ‘own’ who we are and we also must reach some deep realisations around our own journey and our own path. To do this and be this person means we at some point hold ourselves through the apparent turbulence and chaos that is the human journey.
Why? Why must we move through these fears, pain and tears? Albeit it only temporal, this portion of our journey is what liberates us from the cycle of unconscious despair… As a collective humanity we learn through contrast, we have not yet quite mastered the transcendent art of emerging from duality in the purity of love – but we are on this path.
For me, moving in to and leaning in to my fears has been a great catalyst for growth and transformation. I have held myself through overflowing tears. Tears that have torn me down, yet simultaneously liberated me from pent up trauma, pain and debilitating fears.
I was taught by a beautiful mentor that in order to hold myself accountable, in order to be full in expression and more complete in being, I would need to learn to express openly with out judgement and with compassion for self, whilst holding that in esteem, strength, stability and clarity.
This holding through the each tear, pain and fear was what cultivated a greater sense of self. A knowing that surpassed common knowledge and that played in the realm of the mystical. The mystical – simply states of being we are not fully familiar with as yet.
This ‘masculine’ holding through ‘inner feminine’ expression – this balance and alignment of the two polarities within was what sparked eternal wholeness within. This wholeness bestowed (and continues to do so) a gift in ‘seeing’. An ability to be kinder, more open, clear and fuller in self.
This holding without judgement, with compassion, kindness, love, understanding, un-wavering and authentic power whilst repressed and fearful parts of me (older and newer) release in to the ether. Release the emotional, neural and relational tension and outdated beliefs that no longer need to be present.
This holding through pain, fear and tears is what allows me to hold for others. To be present to the needs of others. To be empathetic, connect to my healthy relational aspect of self and to give fully and wholly in love and connectedness. This gift of holding self and others is for evolutionary and perhaps one of the greatest lessons we may grow through in order to transcend limitation.
I am grateful for my pain as I am for my joy. I am in deep appreciation of challenge as I am of ease. I will falter, I will fall, I may doubt and I may crawl, but I shall persevere knowing that through it all I have cultivated a sense of self via simultaneous holding and expression that will last lifetimes. I wish this gift upon all and it is part of my personal dharma to redefine my own masculinity, whist assisting others in redefining what it means to be human for them.
One is always glad to be of service.
Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author
Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author