What happens when the masculine within leaves? All the times we’ve neglected ourselves didn’t trust, obsessed with excessive and external validation and approval and couldn’t contain our power, we lost our ability to love ourselves as we were.

We judged and didn’t appreciate. We felt unprotected, loose in our boundaries and excessive in our ways. Aggressive, short-tempered and sad that we were not seen. This is a big part of the “father wounding”.

We seek reinforcement and validation that we are on the “right path”. For young boys and a core masculine being this looks like rebelling in life, extremes behavior, delinquency and a lack of sexual boundaries in the form of hyper selfish pursuit and arrogance to protect one’s heart.

For little girls and those with a core feminine essence, it could be low self-worth expressed in the way of manipulation towards self and others, disregard for one’s body, excessive people pleasing and seeking love outside of one’s self.

Low self-worth and feeling inadequate affect us all. It can be expressed differently in the masculine/feminine dynamic based on values, culture and even biology. As a little boy, I internalized the shame of not living up to my father’s standards.

That informed so much of how I treated others and allowed others to treat me. The masculine within wishes to prove. The feminine within needs to feel full and will crave this in extreme ways if there is an unhealthy relationship to the masculine itself. I literally made myself wrong and strived to impress him and seek his love in ways that were not in alignment with my truth. Boys need to make noise in order to get that attention. As human beings, we are secretly driven by intense approval of others if we lack a healthy sense of self.

I healed this part of me (low self-worth, codependency and external validation) by knowing and demonstrating to myself that I’ve got me. I built healthy confidence through communicating truthfully, not relying on others for my happiness, noticing extreme behaviors and deepening my self-love.

You can too. In these times of often isolation it’s important we recognize our worth and value and bring that into our communities.

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author