Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

The Greatness Within

We are all intrinsically ‘good’. We are all born with ‘heart’. There is no conceivable way we are born to destroy. Destruction, death, ‘the perceived end’ is not a construct directed by us, but rather something organic that occurs as a natural extension of our existence. This enables us to be connected in a powerful way.

Why? Without death, destruction, finality there would be no inspired action to live, to explore, to be curious, to uncover, to test, to ‘push the edge’. to discover and to engage. The would be no need, no meaning attached to our actions. Death is natural, innate and a part of life.

To be dead is to live, to ‘end the old’ is to begin the new. To hurt others, to feel lonely, to isolate ourselves, to disengage, to actively destroy, to push away and to hurt others and ourselves is a reactive posture in alignment with our inability to embrace our goodness.

Our goodness propels us forward, gives us momentum, opens our minds, our hearts and provides us with opportunity to grow. Fear of the unknown places us in a space of restriction, rigidity and retraction. We retract and attempt to control, rather than allowing to flow. The control is represented by our deviation away fro our natural state – openness of heart, kindness of being, connection, exploration and love.

So we destroy, we control through destruction, pulling ourselves away from our natural state, ignoring our openness, our vulnerable and expressive selves. We play the role of ‘God’. Attempting to control life through death, through destroying what matters to us, what is of sacredness. Our relationships, emotions, meaningful connections and so much more. I cry deeply at the posturing of ‘too late’. Where people could of lived fully and at their ‘real’ deathbed realise so much. A life lost – lives lost, for what??? My heart aches at observing those remaining in a shell, hiding their true selves from the world in order to ‘protect’ their hearts. They are only hardening their hearts…

We fear our power so we distance ourselves from that authentic power. We all wish to connect, give, receive, be known truly, be felt and be loved. To risk opening our hearts and being hurt is a far greater pain than to retract and play God by assuming the posture of destruction. We destroy in order to suppress and to keep us occupied, busy and distracted. The pain of destruction is less than the pain of living fully open.

This is a misperceived fallacy. Yes, the intensity of rejection, abandonment and disconnection is deep, but it is temporal. It is not permanent. It will pass and when it does great wisdom, insight and presence shall be cultivated. Our role is to be authentic. Authentic is defined by living to life. Life is defined by kindness, goodness, connection, bonding, intimacy and sharing our most intimate experiences.

Allow death to run its natural course. There is no need to actively destroy all that we value because we are scared we are going to lose it. The psyche is a wondrous beast. It believes that if it holds control, wields power and directs action that this being in charge will soften the pain. Death, ‘the end’, destruction is inevitable, allow it to run its course and focus on LIVING (kindness, openness of being, giving, sharing, connecting, loving, experiencing, exploring and so much more).

Please live, please live from courage, please live in openness. Do not hide behind masks, facades, built up layers and false idols of egoic supremacy in order to protect the delicate nature of who we are. This will lead to unnecessary hardening that will debilitate our ability to fully feel. Ultimately, we will be too busy surviving and we will never live until its too late. Please do not make it too late. Be, give, allow, receive, feel… Yes, we are GREAT…

One is always glad to be of service.

Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker
Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

The Talk To Trauma

We speak a great deal to the wounds of the past, the pain we have experienced ‘growing up’. We can be debilitated unknowingly by the pain we harbour within because we have been unable to release the tension certain experiences have caused us – the feeling of an endless mountain looms ahead.

On Death & Loneliness

There are times when I feel so disconnected from this place, I fee so isolated – like there is only me, I am in relation to nothing and all that I perceive is an illusion and projection of me…

Desire and Be Intimate Together

A couple that desires together, shares intimacy together.

Co-visioning is essential when it comes to deepen our intimate connection. Sharing ourselves and our inner most thoughts and feelings (aka vulnerability and radical honesty) bonds us and helps us know each other.

Acknowledge Your Pain

There is no shame in acknowledging our pain.

When man hides his grief with anger we all suffer. I was excessively angry for so long. Blaming others for my repeated “misfortunes”, snapping at those I loved and hating on everything that went “wrong” in my life.

Love Learns From The Past

In a relationship, we often let our past infiltrate our present. We allow our unconscious and unresolved wounding to dictate how we behave, how we treat others and how we see ourselves.
The ego simply wants to protect us, to keep us safe and help us remain in what is familiar to us. The ego-self is not “bad.”. The ego is simply grounding us and what it knows, keeping our bodies minds and the emotional being safe and away from harm.

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