The Vulnerable Man

For too long, have we as a society demeaned the power of open heart based – vulnerable and feeling based and communication. Whilst we all feel, so many of us have denied the full expression of inwardly defined expression.

This has been most prominent and dominant in men. Men have lost their innate and empowered ability to communicate, express and feel authentically, meaningfully and beautifully.

Vulnerability Is Not A Weakness

The choice to do this has largely been grounded in the perception that it is a weakness to be vulnerable with oneself outside of oneself and towards oneself.

Men being largely territorial, possessive and valuing constructs and postures opposing the premise of healthy open expression have seen men distance themselves further from their core selves and those they care for deeply.

These traits are part bio-physiological / evolutionary (hard wired yet plastic traits) and part culturally conditioned (developed, impressed and enhanced via our environment and normative social values and practices).

A Time To Grow

Irrespective of this, our species has suffered at our (men) more often than not inability to connect and bond deeply. This lack of deeper intimacy has damaged our relationships and disconnected us from our needs as a loving species.

Vulnerability is actually power. With out immense courage one can not be vulnerable. To open one’s heart and inner space to the world is daunting, terrifying, and may feel soul destroying. So we generally refrain from engaging in such practices.

Vulnerability allows us to release – to release our inner pain, to be heard, to be felt, to be seen, to be known. When we regularly embody this practice with those that we can trust, respect and revere we feel safer and in this safety we can express fully.

It is in this open and endearing exchange that we find ourselves. Our neurology literally transmutes and vibrates with new synaptic connections and pathways literally building a more evolved, compassionate (unified), empathetic and connected being.

We also build and cultivate courage and deeper levels of self-awareness. In this space we begin to feel profoundly, essentially coming in to Wholeness of being. Fragmenting less and improving the quality of our relationships and exchange of intimacy between our loved ones.

The Power To Transcend

If we continue to deny our vulnerability, we are denying two things:

Our ability to go deeper, grow, evolve, transform our own journeys – shift pain, inner turmoil and suffering.
Quality relationships, intimacy, bonding, connecting and being known.

We are relational beings by nature. We require deep intimacy in order to flourish, thrive and prosper. To feel is to become greatness. As men we must take lead to feel fully and connectedly once again…

Vulnerability is not a weakness, it is a f*****g super-power and one that will evolve our relationships beyond question.

One is always glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

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Repressing Longings Hurts Others

When we repress our deep longings, we hurt others.

Importantly, we hurt and deny ourselves of pleasure and joy. When we do this, we limit our expression and the quality of relationships we can receive in our lives.

The Inner Wounded Child

See that little child in your lover. There is a little one inside each of us.
We become confused because when we are hurt by the actions of adults. We see adults who “should know better”. We witness mature, developed adults taking actions that are hurtful, malicious & laden with intent.

The Fullest Expression

There comes a time when we realize we are more than just how we express in to the world.

There is a fine line between giving, receiving, observing and being active in our action taking.

This recognizing of who we are at depth, whilst recognizing the intricate layers that we are made of frees us from the pain of limited expression and rigid posturing.

Love Is Conditional

There it is. I said what basically we all do. We all place conditions on the way we care for others, okay, well the VAST majority of us do. I know I have & so what, where to from here? Are standards, ideals, values & conditions bad?

If your partner is physically or emotionally abusing you consistently should you remain in that situation with no indication of change because you wish to have ‘unconditional love’?

The Density Of Anger

I can tell you about the physiological effects that excess anger and frustration has on the body. I can tell you how excess stress hormones released throughout the body due to a cognitive spotlight focus of anger damages our neurones.

I can tell you about the feeling of not being in control and how longterm, this affects negatively our sense of self and understanding of who we are. I can tell you that the less we self-regulate the more we have that feeling of not being in control of the direction of our internal monologue, stories we feel ourselves and pain we feel.