When we repress our deep longings, we hurt others.

Importantly, we hurt and deny ourselves of pleasure and joy. When we do this, we limit our expression and the quality of relationships we can receive in our lives.

I remember being embarrassed and fearful of speaking my needs, whether it be in sexual intimacy or setting boundaries with respect to how I wanted to be treated and communicated with.

I grew up in a volatile and violent environment, communicating my needs become difficult and painful. It was easier to not be seen and be as silent as possible.

As a teenager, I outlasted in to the world and became what I experienced during my formative years. The pain, frustration and struggle of not being seen took its toll.

I lost so much of myself because I (like so many of us) was in deep protective mode. Something had to give…

I began to look at how when I withdrew from the world OR lashed out to the world (both extremes) would hurt others.

What I discovered was that not being me, not communicating my truth and not living authentically to my desires hurt others, as they never saw the real me. They couldn’t benefit from what I had to actually offer.

Shameful or fearful of rejection or humiliation (what is a major pain point for most men) I hid from the world – one way or the other. There had to be another way… There was, there is.

I am here to tell you, denying yourself of your needs, denies others of what they need and that is YOU showing up in your fullest. There are subtle energies that run between us at a psychic and emotional level.

We don’t necessarily understand this fully and its an unconscious communication between bodies, brain and the integrated intuition that tells us whether a person is safe. You know that feeling in your stomach warning you about something?

That is our unconscious selves communicating to us. You seem when you are masking yourself, others (at some level or another) know this. They then pull away. Something doesn’t feel in integrity or real.

This causes others to move away and not only do we lose that intimate connection, they never get to know the real you. You never even really have the chance to impact those you care about at a deep level.

Practice speaking your truth from an open place of selfless consideration. This ensures you become competent at meeting your needs, whilst being present to the needs of others. I call this ‘Selfish Selflessness’ (that is a story for another time).

For now, the world needs (NO, DEMANDS) you as you are…

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author