Your need for approval stems from your fear of rejection. Unconsciously seeking the need to be liked or loved by another and experiencing that approval means that you are not in a state of unworthiness, humiliation, “less than” or abandonment and this feels safer than the constant pursuit of someone else’s opinion defining you.
If we don’t have the approval of others we feel threatened and then choose to behave in accordance with this threat. We become desperate, needy, fearful, or even project our insecurities upon others by placing high expectations of how they show up in our relationship.

Unconsciously, you may backtrack if your opinion differs from there, you may be overly apologetic, you may minimize your needs and ensure that the other is taken care of at your expense or you may wear masks and be false, pretending to like something and being over agreeable when the truth is that perspective does not resonate with you at all…

You may speak nonsense our nervousness into brief moments of silence to appear important or compromise your values in order to get a smile or a sense of approval from someone.

The painful and ironic truth is that this desperate and unconscious need to be validated by others is exactly what is repelling others from you, which is keeping you in this unresolved wounded cycle of low-self-worth.

Here is something that can assist in breaking this cycle. At that moment go to your body. Your body is telling you what is really happening. That racing heart, that heaviness in your gut. NOW pause there, breathe long slow breaths, and ask yourself… “What approval from this person am I truly seeking and what am I most afraid of?” Make it more about you here in a healthy way and then ask… “What would the future healthy me do here and now?”

One is glad to be of service.

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STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author