Our Need For Approval

Your need for approval stems from your fear of rejection. Unconsciously seeking the need to be liked or loved by another and experiencing that approval means that you are not in a state of unworthiness, humiliation, “less than” or abandonment and this feels safer than the constant pursuit of someone else’s opinion defining you.
If we don’t have the approval of others we feel threatened and then choose to behave in accordance with this threat. We become desperate, needy, fearful, or even project our insecurities upon others by placing high expectations of how they show up in our relationship.

Unconsciously, you may backtrack if your opinion differs from there, you may be overly apologetic, you may minimize your needs and ensure that the other is taken care of at your expense or you may wear masks and be false, pretending to like something and being over agreeable when the truth is that perspective does not resonate with you at all…

You may speak nonsense our nervousness into brief moments of silence to appear important or compromise your values in order to get a smile or a sense of approval from someone.

The painful and ironic truth is that this desperate and unconscious need to be validated by others is exactly what is repelling others from you, which is keeping you in this unresolved wounded cycle of low-self-worth.

Here is something that can assist in breaking this cycle. At that moment go to your body. Your body is telling you what is really happening. That racing heart, that heaviness in your gut. NOW pause there, breathe long slow breaths, and ask yourself… “What approval from this person am I truly seeking and what am I most afraid of?” Make it more about you here in a healthy way and then ask… “What would the future healthy me do here and now?”

One is glad to be of service.



Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



Role-mate Or Soul-mate?

A role-mate is born of desperation, survival and fear. We get together to survive, not thrive. We don’t share deep values, we are here to serve primal needs only. Our intimacy is empty and scarce. We base our relationships on convenient agreements of doing in the world. Soul-mates come together to thrive, expand their connection to self, each other and the world. They are here to grow and explore their sexuality, spirituality, contributions and more. They are clear that they are here to serve the greater good of society and themselves. Which are you???

Desire Is NOT Toxic – Another Spin On Wanting

Wanting and desire get a bad rep – let’s flip this notion…
We think if we desire for life we are unhealthy, selfish and disconnected. We are ‘bad’ people if we desire. It is not that we are desiring, it is HOW we desire that sets the tone for our movement and existence in this life.

An Open Apology To The Feminine – PART II

Men, we are not less than for apologising. We are not weak, meek and passive. When we own who we are, we are liberated, empowered and free to grow and expand. Forgiveness (seeking or accepting) is expansive and is a sign of fucking strength.

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How To Healthily And Confidently Pursue

You must know yourself, your worth, and what you offer. Get clear on your power and value. Live in your vision. Be in your purpose and choose to live that on a day to day basis. Don’t rely on another to “complete” you. You are whole, do your inner work so that you become very clear on that. You don’t “need” others to make you feel better. This energetic comes across as desperate and needy. Lead with an open and pure heart. Don’t be afraid of your honesty, what your needs are, and what you can offer. Present that with prowess.

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