Secrets Are The Calluses Of The Heart

Secrets are like calluses upon our hearts. The more we keep, the more hardened we become…

I spent so many years hiding. Not trusting myself, doubting who I was, being so frustrated with the world and what I perceived to be a weakness that I lied about everything. I did not want to be seen as “weak”.

Pursuing validation and acceptance in all the “wrong ways”, I lost my path. I pretended to be someone I wasn’t to protect my fragile heart that felt broken. The lies compounded and I had to work harder to maintain the facade.

Aggression, fighting, abrasiveness, ensuring I “won the argument”. I was always right, self-righteous, arrogant, and as a result lonely, distant, and drowning in self-pity, self-loathing, and self-hatred…

You see, as a child, I felt I was never really seen, recognized, or heard. I had to fight to be accepted. As a result, I kept to myself, contorting my thoughts and actions to fit in, be liked, or not be beaten.

This worked for a while, but when I hit my teens, puberty, and confusion, I lashed out, hid from the world with false bravado, and developed a habit around “fitting in”, being cool and appeasing others, whilst ensuring I was perceived as strong.

My ideas around healthy masculinity and what it meant to be a man became distorted and I played that out in my intimate relationships. I pretended I hid, I justified my lies, infidelity, and anger and became more hardened and more lost.

I believed and carried this fear and burden like fucking Atlas carrying the world on his shoulders that if “softened” and allowed others in that I would lose my “strength”. I feared giving my heart because it had been crushed by those I loved so deeply as a child (my parents) and I couldn’t trust that heart to be kept safe.

Our past does not equal our future… Time to let that shit go…

Are you ready?

One is glad to be of service.

Photo by lucas clarysse on Unsplash

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

[fbcomments]

KEEP READING

Stop Avoiding Intimacy

STOP! We spend so much time running from what we fear. What we are essentially running from is our ability to feel closeness, connection and deep intimacy.

We all yearn for it – unconsciously and consciously in different ways. Brothers need brotherhood but have fear of being judged, ridiculed and not accepted by their primary in-group. They also spend so much time distracted and in ‘doing’ energy.

9 Signs You Have A True Soul Connection With Your Beloved

What is a soul? What is true connection? What does it mean to be beautifully bonded in partnership with your beloved? It means we are more than our bodies, but deeply connected to our bodies; it means we understand each other, are patient and care for the wellbeing of each other…

From Friends To Lovers

In my relationship, friendship has been the cornerstone of our persistence, willingness and desire to come back to loving each other from a new and whole place, not past patterns and conditioning.
Do not take your friendships for granted… In the realm of intimate relationships, friendship Lays the foundation for love to flourish. Relationships are more than just a hormonal rush, explosive sex and unicorns and rainbows. YES, they are all these things and more.

How can we truly be happy with who we are? How can we truly be happy without guilt? The insight in to this is quite simple…

Are You Vulnerable Enough?

The vulnerability and “owning my shadow” card can be fickle. We pretend to be vulnerable and truthful by showing and owning our shadows openly or expressing one of MANY that we have. More often than not though, this is a deflection of what’s really ailing us at a deeper level that we fear intensely, so we unconsciously pretend to be courageous about this more minor pain/shadow, in order to avoid dealing with the greater beast that resides within…

The Power Of Mental Toughness & Resilience

There is a distinction between what is known as mental toughness and mental resilience. Both are required with a mind-body integrative praxis. We can easily replace the word ‘mental’ with any other of the four bodies of the integrated human sphere…