Growing up I always felt there was another way, but never thought I would free myself from the pain of a disconnected self.

I was hopeful, but disempowered. This frustrated me deeply as a man and so I lashed out to the world and lashed inwardly to my internal self.

My self-speak and perception of self was not nice, not compassionate and harsh. It emulated the tone of my hyper-aggressive and hyper-Masculine father, thinking this is what it means to be a man.

I would move through the world in such a way that I literally felt lost. And being in the midst of the confusion made it difficult to feel true clarity.

I would project, over analyze, feel lonely, misunderstood and disenfranchised. In order to protect myself I carried past unchecked wounding in to my adult relationships.

Adhering to patterns of the past that really had no place in the ‘now’. Destroying the fabric of my relationships, sense of self and presence – and distancing me from the core of my potential.

As a man, I was delusional living a facade of pretending. I was never actualizing my potential because I was living doused in masks of protection.

Protecting the real me from being seen, because I did not know the various expressions of my authentic self and what I did know I was carrying shame around those parts of me – disgusted with who I was being, yet unable to break the pattern.

This shame is debilitating, soul destroying and painful. So many of us carry what is essentially unwarranted shame, guilt and fear – this was me for a long time.

When I hit the hardest wall I had I ever hit, I awoke from my ignorance and ceased to run from my traumas, fears and pains.

I literally catapulted in to the fullness of life based on support and a decision to transmute my being. I began a journey of rediscovery, it was honestly like learning how to walk and talk again. A complete reframe of self.

A shedding of the old to allow the new and the always present (yet hidden) potential to flourish. I burned it all, lost it ALL, to recreate the essence of me.

Transformation and change can be painfully difficult but with clarity and perseverance can be blissfully enlightening and revealing.

In order for us to be us (whatever that ‘truly’ is), we must explore the WHOLE of who we are – equally the dark and the light.

One is always glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author