Stef Sifandos

Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

Think of an eloquent, delicious meal. There are generally a multitude of ingredients that contribute to that meal to make it exquisite and to enhance it fully. Alongside that, there is a process and varied inputs, timing, passion, attention, focus, consistency and so much more that makes a relationship thrive.

In the ultimate guide: what you need for a thriving relationship we explore some of the ingredients necessary in order to create extraordinary relationships.

We observe compatibility, long lasting affection, deepened and heightened states of love and sustainable connection through treating each other with reverence, adoration and mutual care and love.

The Long Game

Too many of us enter relationships not thinking of the ‘long-game’. In order for relationships to thrive we must think in terms of sustainability. Who do we need to be, what postures and characters must we embody and what must we know about ourselves in order for relationships flourish?

‘Dopamine’ In The Driver’s Seat

Coming together in some form of union is generally quite easy. From an unconscious biological vantage point we naturally attract and draw in to our reality synergistically what our bodies desire.

The reasons for the choice of person we are attracted to vary biologically, culturally, relationally, sociologically, emotionally, spiritually and psychologically.

What is important to understand here is that the initial bonding and attraction is largely predicated upon the hormonal and neurochemical response our bodies emit in when in the presence of that potentially someone special.

We are largely driven by our bodies response to this person. We are hit with dopamine (amongst a cocktail of other neurochemicals, such as serotonin and oxytocin to mention a couple). These neuropeptides essentially blind us. They polarise our view of what we are experiencing.

Blindsided

We essentially are only able to focus on the great, wonderful, positive traits (everything that is ‘right’) of that individual or potential beloved. From a biological perspective this ensures survival of our species.

Imagine if we were to be emotionally triggered and psychologically pressured the moment we met someone, we would never procreate, mate, bond sexually and ensure survival of our species.

That is why these neurochemicals are so strong when released – they bypass other aspects of relating and connecting (but only initially). And this is where it becomes interesting and we must be diligent and wise within ourselves when choosing our partners. Allow me to elaborate…

Begin With The Self

This is the single most important factor in getting what you need for a thriving relationship. If you do not know yourself you will wander through life lost. Aimlessly engaging in activities and experiences that do not serve your highest values.

It becomes imperative to connect to your truth, your authentic expression and your power in order to align and attract experiences that resonate with the harmonics of your soul, your heart and the entirety of your being.

In order to embody, experience and be immersed in a thriving relationship it is imperative you know your needs, your greatest desires, your passions, your purpose, your place, your emotional being and every facet of self possible.

Being Of Service

From this place you will begin to notice what serves your greatest good and where you also can be of service to others in the most meaningful way possible. Knowing you, means ensuring you can live a life of maximal value.

You can attract people and experiences that aligned with your true authentic nature and not live in disconnection and fracture, but rather openness and wholeness.

When we enter this place of meaning and deep sense of fulfilment, we experience congruent and very real and sustainable happiness. It is from this space that our relationships (primarily to self) thrive and flourish.

Asking The Hard Questions

Once we have this greater sense of self we are able to attract well aligned and beautiful relationships and people – people who share similar interests, values and are open in their sense of self-worth and presence in the world.

What also occurs is that as we know ourselves so well that we know intrinsically and overtly what to ‘look’ for and feel for in another to maximise our chances of compatibility.

We also are equipped intellectually (in carried ways – relationally, socially, emotionally, cognitively, etc.) to ask the ‘right’ questions of our potential partner. We are able to ask the right questions at the right time.

We are not necessarily bypassing or even taming the 1^st stage of love, which is largely driven by biological impulses but we are integrating additional filters and layers of relational intelligence that allow us to be greater discerning in these very fragile stages of courting, bonding and connecting.

We may begin to ask key questions about their history, their beliefs, their dreams, their aspirations, pain points, greatest fears, values and so much more. This level of awareness, valuable, quite exciting and discerning practice and process allow us to engage far deeper – exposing us to the fullness of that person, actually enhancing the entire ‘getting to know you’ period.

The Ultimate Guide: What You Need For A Thriving Relationship

The above lay a powerful foundation for what you truly need in order to create meaningful and sustainable relationships. The reality is beautiful, worthwhile relationships require effort, grit, attention, compassion and deep understanding.

We truly need to want to be there. We need to also realise that intimate and loving relationships are mirrors and insight in to our own wounding, pains, fears and chasm of being.

It is here that if we continue to openly choose to know self (self-awareness) we grow, we assist our lovers and beloved to grow and together we expand in to the infinite realm of love. We discover in togetherness what it means to experience the depths of love through intimate bonding and connection.

One is always glad to be of service.

Stef Sifandos

Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker