Expressing Pain & Releasing Fear In Relationship

There is great value in expressing our pain, in releasing our fears, hurt and tension that resides within our hearts, minds and bodies. Learning to express, label and identify through verbalisation for example makes our feelings of sadness, frustration and anger less intense.

Research has demonstrated that by identifying and verbalising feelings of distress such as anger or fear the amygdala immediately quietens and becomes less active. The amygdala is located deep in the temporal lobe of our brain and contributes to various functions, including emotional regulation, memory retention and responding to fear.

By writing about our feelings, speaking to them and identifying with them verbally we can literally begin to feel better, gain clarity and discover ways to navigate our emotional discomfort.

When we put feelings in to words we are activating the pre-frontal region of our brains and decreasing our fear responses. Being in less fear allows us to ‘think’ straight, be with where we are, be more open, receptive and mindful of our surroundings and what is occurring in our minds and bodies.

Imagine for a moment we can regulate our inner state when we are in tension with our beloved or a loved one. Imagine, we can remain calm, open and present by labelling verbally the emotions we are feeling and experiencing.

We will naturally disagree with those we love. Our brains do not not really identify a difference between a physical threat or a psycho-emotional threat.

It becomes imperative we calm ourselves during times of difficulty, speak openly to each other and give each other space when we require it in order to quieten the reactive areas of our brain and body. Doing this grants us insight, wisdom and perspective. We grow together instead of growing apart.

Alternative modalities of communication such as writing can be useful also. Many of us journal and we are not sure why it makes us feel good, amongst the labelling and identifying a great amount of integration takes place between the left and right hemispheres and the lower and upper regions of our brains. Increasing our cohesion and ability to utilise our intelligence more. IN other words, we can remain calmer under stressful situations.

Mindfulness is also a technique where we pay attention to our present emotions, thoughts and body sensations, such as breathing, without being judgemental or reacting negatively. We simply release, surrender and ‘let go’.

One way to practice mindfulness meditation and pay attention to present-moment experiences is to label our emotions by saying, for example, ‘I’m feeling angry right now’ or ‘I’m feeling a deep amount of stress right now’ or ‘this is joyful right now’ or whatever the emotion may be.

When in argument or stressful circumstances connect to what is occurring in the present moment. Trust and know that there is a way out by going through and immersing in to the now moment. This will empower us to ‘see’ and feel with clarity.

Ultimately, creating harmony as opposed to distance will allow us to come in to greater connection.


One is always glad to be of service.


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



The Richness Of Union

There is a richness that accompanies commitment. When we commit to the intertwining of all the expressions of self, we grow in to a more encompassed and complete version of who we have always been.

The intertwining of our sexual sacredness may only transpire if we are open to receiving and giving in equanimity. Our sexual energy may only flow when we are free of shame and when we have chosen to commit without inhibition. To be SEEN for all that we are.

What Women Truly Desire From Their Men

This list is a guide as to how we as men can show up with greater presence, truth and awareness in relationship to self and others. Relationship can ask us to be the best versions of self.

Will you adhere to the call? We all have needs and desires. There have been times in my life that I have wanted more from others, however in reality I was really wanting more from myself.

The Unavailable Man

The unavailable man is not only unavailable to you, but he is also unavailable to himself… Unavailability can be super evident or it can hide in the shadows. Your partner (mirror and extension of usually the father figure or archetype) will keep coming back into your life as a man that is emotionally unavailable, physically distant, a perpetual long-distance relationship, not prioritizing you, and much more.

Acknowledge Your Pain

There is no shame in acknowledging our pain.

When man hides his grief with anger we all suffer. I was excessively angry for so long. Blaming others for my repeated “misfortunes”, snapping at those I loved and hating on everything that went “wrong” in my life.

Willingness Trumps Trying

We forget the power of taking ownership of our thoughts And actions and stepping in to this action from a place of clarity and discernment.

Trying is misdirected. It is noncommittal and flaky. Trying means we don’t believe in ourselves. Trying is laden with excuses preparing us for the justification of failure and it side steps us out of fear.


Complete this assessment to uncover the exact blocks preventing you from attracting and experiencing the love and intimacy you truly desire

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