Expressing Pain & Releasing Fear In Relationship

There is great value in expressing our pain, in releasing our fears, hurt and tension that resides within our hearts, minds and bodies. Learning to express, label and identify through verbalisation for example makes our feelings of sadness, frustration and anger less intense.

Research has demonstrated that by identifying and verbalising feelings of distress such as anger or fear the amygdala immediately quietens and becomes less active. The amygdala is located deep in the temporal lobe of our brain and contributes to various functions, including emotional regulation, memory retention and responding to fear.

By writing about our feelings, speaking to them and identifying with them verbally we can literally begin to feel better, gain clarity and discover ways to navigate our emotional discomfort.

When we put feelings in to words we are activating the pre-frontal region of our brains and decreasing our fear responses. Being in less fear allows us to ‘think’ straight, be with where we are, be more open, receptive and mindful of our surroundings and what is occurring in our minds and bodies.

Imagine for a moment we can regulate our inner state when we are in tension with our beloved or a loved one. Imagine, we can remain calm, open and present by labelling verbally the emotions we are feeling and experiencing.

We will naturally disagree with those we love. Our brains do not not really identify a difference between a physical threat or a psycho-emotional threat.

It becomes imperative we calm ourselves during times of difficulty, speak openly to each other and give each other space when we require it in order to quieten the reactive areas of our brain and body. Doing this grants us insight, wisdom and perspective. We grow together instead of growing apart.

Alternative modalities of communication such as writing can be useful also. Many of us journal and we are not sure why it makes us feel good, amongst the labelling and identifying a great amount of integration takes place between the left and right hemispheres and the lower and upper regions of our brains. Increasing our cohesion and ability to utilise our intelligence more. IN other words, we can remain calmer under stressful situations.

Mindfulness is also a technique where we pay attention to our present emotions, thoughts and body sensations, such as breathing, without being judgemental or reacting negatively. We simply release, surrender and ‘let go’.

One way to practice mindfulness meditation and pay attention to present-moment experiences is to label our emotions by saying, for example, ‘I’m feeling angry right now’ or ‘I’m feeling a deep amount of stress right now’ or ‘this is joyful right now’ or whatever the emotion may be.

When in argument or stressful circumstances connect to what is occurring in the present moment. Trust and know that there is a way out by going through and immersing in to the now moment. This will empower us to ‘see’ and feel with clarity.

Ultimately, creating harmony as opposed to distance will allow us to come in to greater connection.


One is always glad to be of service.


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



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