• How does one break up with someone when one realizes that they’re not for you anymore? Now, when I say breaking up like a boss, what we’re talking about is breaking up in a way that respects them and respects you.

  Here are ten ways to do it:

  1.) Do it in person.

  Why is this important? It’s important to read body language. It’s essential to be present to what the person needs and how they’re communicating to you, but it also allows you to be in your truth when you’re doing it in person. The idea is to step into your truth and into your honesty.

  2.) Don’t do it in public.

  Do it privately. Breaking up is a private event that is unfolding for both of you, and it’s crucial. It’s part of the transition, and it’s part of the process. It’s not other people’s business and we don’t want to hide in public. Face the intimacy of the process of breaking up.

  3.) Remove emotional charge when breaking up.

  The only way to do that is to process yourself before making that decision to break up and then taking action to break up, so what does that look like? That means maybe seeking professional support, perhaps going to respected, revered sources, but being clear and processing the heaviness. Maybe that comes from breaking up, even maybe grieving to some degree. I’m talking about blaming, projecting, and shaming. I’m not talking about not being sad. Of course, you can be vulnerable, and the real art of the process is vulnerability and honesty.

  4.) Cut off contact for some time after the breakup.

  It’s vital that feelings don’t come flooding back to you. The familiar can be difficult to deal with sometimes, so for some time you have to come to an agreement where you have space away from each other. This breaks the neurological and hormonal addictions we form during relationships and intimacy.

  5.) You have to feel your feelings.

  Don’t suppress it. Don’t deny it. Don’t avoid it. Don’t numb it. Don’t go to drugs. Don’t go to excessive socialization, avoidance, numbing or distracting. Excessive drinking of alcohol, drugs, over-exercising, throwing yourself in to work, etc. Be with your stuff and spend time by yourself by being in solitude. Journal and reflect. Allow yourself to experience these feelings and honor them. They can be tough, however feeling them fully is actually liberating.

  6.) Find support.

  Professional support, support from friends and family, whatever it may be. Be supported during the breakup and after the breakup. Don’t completely do it alone. It will help with accelerating the healing and give you perspective into areas of your own life that perhaps you cannot see yourself. This will help you take charge of your life and make choices that are more conducive to your truth and values.

  7.) After the breakup, take deliberate time to be single and to be on your own.

  Be with yourself to learn more about you. Create time and space to be single. You need this space to reflect and to move into. Get to know you deeper, acquaint yourself with your needs and values. What relationship you want next and learn on your own to deal with challenges and look at your wounding and shadow side of self so that you don’t bring that into the next relationship.

  8.) Learn more about yourself.

  What do you really want in a relationship? What are your greatest values? What is most

  important to you? What are you seeking in a partner? What are you willing and able to give in a partnership? Leaning about you, enhances your chances of attracting and creating a quality and well-aligned relationship.

  9.) Forgiving yourself is paramount.

  Forgiving them, forgiving the relationship, forgiving the process. You can only really go through that whole process once you’ve felt your feelings, once you feel that you’ve maintained or sustained the relationship in integrity. Feeling our feelings is liberating and forgiveness comes from the inside. It is an inside job…

  10.) What have been your biggest takeaways from the breakup and the relationship itself?

  What dynamic are you really looking for? write down your biggest and key learnings as this will prepare you for your own growth and evolution and having a more empowered and connected relationship next time!

  So, these are our 10 tips on breaking up and processing the breakup in a way that it enlightens and empowers us. Do this and you will reap the benefits of even painful experiences. Would you add anything else to this list? Share your thoughts below!

  Power & Blessings.

  

   

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author