Acknowledge Your Pain

There is no shame in acknowledging our pain.

When man hides his grief with anger we all suffer. I was excessively angry for so long. Blaming others for my repeated “misfortunes”, snapping at those I loved and hating on everything that went “wrong” in my life.

Men often mask their grief with anger. Their sense of loss, that feeling of not being nurtured, approved or protected by the father in their life. I felt this for too long and covered this sense of loss with so much anger and rage.

Grief seldom feels good at the time but if only we knew that it feels better than being numb to our feelings. Essentially when we grieve we are becoming alive again.

It is a compass for our life anew. A renewal of sorts allowing us to yearn for what we have lost so that we can recreate it in a new and empowered way. It helps us understand ourselves and accept what we pretended we didn’t need.

Closeness, trust, friendship, love, being seen and non-judgment. When most men are angry we are hiding grief and deep sadness. I know I did. And this anger ultimately drives us further away from what we actually need.

Denial is a short term strategy, not a way of permanence. Ancient cultures knew this and incorporated ways to deal with loss, war, pain and shame. I never shook that shit and that pain out until my adult years. The childhood trauma, the emotional loss of my father, the school yard teasing and more.

Roughing things out and numbing ourselves to sensation only further deadens us to the world and our truth. The organic release valves of sadness, tears, being held, shaking or primal screaming must be available to us otherwise we become more tensile within.

The Maori warriors knew this. After war they would rest in hot springs, under waterfalls and wash away their fear, sadness and bloodiness of war to become whole again. The women would sing to them as they let it all go.

Time to let it all go

One is glad to be of service.


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



Clarity Is King

Men, clarity is the pathway to freedom, love, liberation, openness and all that we desire.

Clarity for all of us is an embodied state that has the potential to allow us to live a full life.

Clarity is the precursor to feeling fully. Without a clear mind, heart and body we are ‘dirty channels’ for the transmission of wisdom and empowerment.

10 Things You Shouldn’t Hide From Your Partner

If you are grounded in higher self-worth within yourself, couldn’t you just be you? If you believed in what you offered and were confident and less attached to the outcome of how someone or something must be, why would you hide?

Mindful Monogamy – An Open Enquiry

Let me begin by saying that there is no ‘wrong’ and no ‘right’ or ‘boxing in of labels. When choosing for you what is in alignment for your intimate and interpersonal romantic relationships careful consideration of so many factors must come in to play. Any experience we choose to engage in if not mindful carries less of an impact in terms of how we may grow, release and transform…

Masculine Sexual Health

If we do not choose to connect deeply to those we share our sexual energy with, then who are we, why are we and what are we to ourselves? There is nothing ‘wrong’ with hedonistic urges and practices. This is a beautiful place to be and is necessary for us as men to explore in order to initially define ourselves, our needs, values and postures…

Man – Starter Of Worlds

Man as an intellectual and spiritual beast is the sovereign creator of his reality. A man pursuing strength over weakness is aware of his ability to create and mold the world he lives in.

Meaning, the affirming of oneself and our own worth is an inside job. This notion of intimate and sovereign self-reliance is the back bone of the contemporary man. The new man must also acquaint himself with a trusted brethren.


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