7 Ways to Cultivate Intimate Love In Your Relationships

Intimacy is everything when it comes to allowing relationships to flourish deeply. Intimate love comes from a realisation that we first and foremost deserve this deep, connected and bonded love; therefore we must acknowledge our self-worth and value. Let us examine 7 ways to cultivate intimate love in your relationships.


1. Be Vulnerable

Nothing draws us closer to each other than openness in vulnerability. This is intimately connected to courage. Being vulnerable means exposing the fullness of who we are to the other and to our conscious selves. But here, our hearts may soften and we also become open to the truth that we are. We share ourselves and our feelings in real time, ensuring transparency and clarity in our expression and hence connecting and bonding us deeper.


2. Play Often

When we play together, we bring lightness in to our relationships. In this lightness we very naturally create and openness of being. In this openness, we have access to more of each other and ourselves (broader and deeper). Here we share ourselves with a greater profound connection to each other. Play and fun open our hearts and minds to infinite possibility. We ‘see’ what was unseen before and we bond at greater depth.


3. Share Your Deepest Secrets

Sharing ourselves in this way with trusted, revered, respected and honoured persons allows us to be seen, heard, felt and known. This unlocks pain, fear, doubt and inner turbulence. We release these tensions and we bond with those who allow us to immerse in this posture. We become fond of, open to and willing to continue this journey of openness, as does the other. What a beautiful, gentle and enlightening symbiotic journey of connecting and bonding.


4. Practice Varied Forms Of Intimacy

There are varied forms of intimacy. See below and practice them regularly wither with a loved one, your beloved, someone you admire or yourself. There is great value in experiential diversity.


  • Emotional Intimacy – you are able to share a wide range of both positive and negative feelings without fear of judgement or rejection
  • Physical Intimacy – The delight in being sensual, playful, and sensitive in sexual intimacy that is joyful and fulfilling for both partners.
  • Intellectual Intimacy – Sharing ideas or talking about issues or even hotly debating opinions and still respect each other’s beliefs and views
  • Spiritual Intimacy – discussing how spirituality works in our lives, in such a way that we respect each others particular spiritual needs and beliefs
  • Conflict Intimacy – the ability to work through our differences in a fair way, and reach solutions that are broadly and mutually satisfactory, recognizing that perfect solutions are not part of human life.
  • Work Intimacy – You are able to agree on ways to share the common loads of tasks in maintaining your home, incomes, and pursuing other mutually agreed goals.
  • Parenting Intimacy – If you have children, you have developed shared ways of being supportive to each other while enabling our children to grow and become separate individuals.
  • Crisis Intimacy – You are able to stand together in times of crisis, both external and internal to our relationship and offer support and understanding.
  • Aesthetic Intimacy – Being delighted in beauty, music art, nature and a whole range of aesthetic experiences and each of us is prepared to support the other’s enjoyment of different aesthetic pleasures.
  • Play Intimacy – Having fun together, through recreation, relaxation or humour.


5. Embrace Transfiguration

The ancient art of transfiguration unlocks our potential to bond and connect deeper. In the primordial ocean of cosmic conscious and in the alchemical pool of infinite possibility we find ourselves here. We discover who we truly are through the simple act of eye-gazing in to the soul of another.


When practiced with a beloved it deepens our understanding and awareness of who and what they are. It allows us to want to sincerely be there for them in every way possible. It allows us to feel the fullness of the other and gain tremendous insight in to their being. This is the power of connecting in this way to deepen intimacy.


6.  Hug Often

Simple. Hug multiple times daily. Hugging releases oxytocin, which is a neurochemical that can bond us deeper, unite us and connect us (pending our environment and associative memories may f7. acilitate this). We feel content, happy, fulfilled. Our lives are open to greater meaning and it is an intimate way of knowing each other. Make it your mission to hug someone multiple times daily. It is free, endearing and it just feels f*****g great!


7. Spend Time Together & On Your Own

This is crucial for cultivate deeper levels of intimacy in any relationship. We must spend time in silence, stillness and in isolation away from others, distraction, loudness and busyness. Quietening the mind allows us to connect to ourselves with greater clarity.

Developing an intimate relationship with self must be an absolute priority. We embody this by being with self and listening inwardly to what we truly need. In the loudness of life, we lose ourselves and we lose our ability to be connected authentically to our path.

Choosing consciously to be in each other’s company also allows us to cultivate intimate love in our relationships. When we spend well-intended and deliberate experiential time together we grow as people. Being a witness to new ‘things’, the nuances of our behaviours and how we actively choose to respond to life actually grants us insights in to the other. This also deepens our intimate connection and allows us to love deeper, especially if our values are aligned.


Final Thoughts & Feelings

Love in intimacy requires time, exposure, patience and the experience of the fullness of someone and self. If we polarise our lives to only favour what is comfortable or ‘good’ and are not exposed to the wholeness and contrast of life we are losing our ability to connect in authentic love and intimacy. We must know the fullness of life in order to appreciate and become truly intimate with life.


One is always glad to be of service.


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



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