No Man Is An Island

I would once say “I came into this world alone and I’ll die alone”. This was me protecting my heart, mind and body from being hurt, rejected and abused. If I was alone then the pain felt less… These days I feel connection, unity and am less alone. However, not always. Today is one of those days where I am allowing myself to feel lonely. Why? Because I miss my brethren and I don’t wish to suppress my longing to be near my brothers. I am also blessed to have support and brothers all over the world. And for this, I feel grateful.

As men we are inadvertently told and shown that independence reigns supreme and whilst I am a massive advocate for self-reliance, solitude and autonomy we still need each other. We are relational beings and the days of the lone wolf are over. There is a balance and by feeling, we neutralize that pain. We don’t allow the complex layers of our psyche to take over.

We feel, we are and we release. Does this mean we are leaky with our energy, no. I once was. Blaming, shaming and projecting my frustrations because I could not master myself. I was never shown. But that excuse wore thin. I felt perpetually lonely and couldn’t pinpoint it, so I lashed out.

Many of us are not shown and as boys, left to our own devices we create our own ways. Often extreme in expression. I know I did. Violence, anger, delinquency, crime, repression. I miss my friends, brothers and companions today.

Men are made to be in the tribe, we all are. Reflecting back to us who we truly are and can be. Our lives are our own. Seeking refuge in our shadows perpetuates our demons. Wrestling with them with an intention to free yourself, well that’s another conversation.

These days I allow myself to feel and panic less. Fear doesn’t wrap itself around my thoughts and soul. My shadows are still there but their claws are not embedded in my heart. Our shadows are not “bad”, they are here to teach us. We just need to listen.

Where can you embrace your shadows and grow into greater wholeness?

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

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Keeping It Real

For us to love each other we must respect each others anger.

Fierceness is an expression of inner strength; violence is an expression of frustrated, unconscious impotence. To disagree when in Union is natural.

We think disagreement is bad! What looks like a fight is maybe the fierceness of love raging passionately in to the space that lovers occupy. More often than not, it’s individuated wounding rising to the surface.

The Decisive Nature Of Man

Can you leap fully in to the life you choose and be all in?

Can you commit fully to what you value deeply?

Do you know what you value?

Have you the courage to posture your truth?

Doing The Inner Work

Firstly, this isn’t a gender thing. It’s a people thing. We are often really scared of change.
This is often a tough one in relationships. We want people to change with us, to do what we do, try what we try, feel what we feel and share similar interests.
At a primal level, it is our nervous system feeling safe in the presence of familiarity. Additionally, when we share similar paths, values and interests we are all part of the “in-group”. In social psychology, this is crucial to one’s feeling of being safe and surviving.

How I Stopped Playing The Victim

We often play the victim when we lack belief in ourselves. We play the victim to get attention and validation. I know I did. We also have an approach of blaming others for our misfortunes or even being highly codependent. My self-worth was so low that I needed to beg in all the different ways for people to SEE me and validate me. I searched outside of myself for love and compromised myself during that journey.

Masculine Sexual Intelligence

There is a deep intelligence that exists around conscious sexuality, especially for men. We have been so deeply disconnected from meaningful and authentic sexual connection for too long and the reality is: we do not know what we do not know.

We think and believe sexuality should be a particular way based on the fallacy of rampant and mainstream pornography and polarised and unrealistic views of romance and sexuality that we are exposed to but the truth is we are deeply disconnected from relating consciously in our sexuality and own sexual expression.

START WITH YOUR LOVE BLOCKS

Complete this assessment to uncover the exact blocks preventing you from attracting and experiencing the love and intimacy you truly desire