There is a deep intelligence that exists around conscious sexuality, especially for men. We have been so deeply disconnected from meaningful and authentic sexual connection for too long and the reality is: we do not know what we do not know.

We think and believe sexuality should be a particular way based on the fallacy of rampant and mainstream pornography and polarised and unrealistic views of romance and sexuality that we are exposed to but the truth is we are deeply disconnected from relating consciously in our sexuality and own sexual expression.

If anything, we are creating a sub-culture of sexually disconnected and isolated individuals and couples that are focusing on ‘finishing the job’ and short-term gratification rather than focusing on the sacredness that comes from intimate connection; the explorative essence of this practice and; what deeply profound and revelatory insights we can gain from these subtle and attentive practices.

Please note, there is nothing wrong at all with ‘wild sex’ or physical raw sex for the sake of a single- minded focus on the physicality. When this becomes the norm, without variation and the intention is purely physical, with little to no integration from our other faculties and intelligences, we move in disharmony, polarisation and extremity – we become lopsided in our expression and being.

What all of this translates to (at least in part) is the embodied practice of sublimation and sexual continence for both or all parties. It is a journey. It is something that is to be explored over time. Something to be revered and respected, understood and related to in such a way that is open, curious and transparent. Not something to be ‘conquered’.

For the example of ‘seed’ retention – it is an act, that when practiced allows us to know our proverbial edges. It is our edges that provide us with depth and insight. Sublimation of semen is a both a spiritual and physical practice that must be entered into with awareness. It is a TOOL, not a way… Remember this. And this is only part of the story.

Sexual Intelligence is about understanding the complete self, knowing what the self desires and wants from sexual union. Being sexually intelligent means us moving away from being disconnected from our sexual selves. This will vary for everyone, but essentially it may entail (but is not limited to) the following:

— Finding comfort in one’s physical appearance
— Being able to express clearly and articulately our sexual desires and dreams
— Not afraid of who one is in sexual union
— Open to being seen sexually
— Having moved through or at least acknowledged any sexual trauma one has experienced in life and possessing awareness around this in life

There is more to this, however for now, ask yourself – are you truthful in your sexual expression?

One is always glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author