Keeping It Real

For us to love each other we must respect each other’s anger.

Fierceness is an expression of inner strength; violence is an expression of frustrated, unconscious impotence. To disagree when in Union is natural.

We think disagreement is bad! What looks like a fight is maybe the fierceness of love raging passionately into the space that lovers occupy. More often than not, it’s individuated wounding rising to the surface.

HOW we disagree is important. As a shadow for man, we feel undifferentiated guilt & this makes the exchange of authentic love tough. In this confusion, we resort to violence & close down our hearts to deal with our impotence.

In my life, my internal pain & frustrations would be projected abhorrently upon others in an attempt to ease my own selected suffering & confusion.

Until we know what our shadow needs & we nurture it until we have determined how we have demeaned & injured women we will be caught in a cycle of infantile shame & guilt.

We must learn to express our anger healthily. If we don’t we simmer in silent hostility, making ineffective love & war simultaneously. We are not whole & more like fractured.

Similarly, intense rage directed TO man, filtered through the lens of a woman having experienced collective oppression for so long will be vomited ON man.

Can we temper our aggression & go within? Distinguish between appropriate adult responsibility & mature masculine/feminine response & inappropriate feelings of projected blame & shame upon our lovers.

We carry an unconscious belief that our lovers must take away our pain. No. AND…This is a dance & it requires both of us to “do the work”. The feminine must integrate the fullness of her power in order for the mature masculine to stand a chance in meeting her with presence.

As we choose to feel & be real we will liberate ourselves. We must expect the swamp of hostility to erupt into a deluge of very uncomfortable emotion that will express rage, sorrow & disorientation.

A commitment to hold each other, revere & see each other during this exchange will deepen the bonds & help us know our own selves with greater appreciation. Compassion & healthy boundaries are key.

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

[fbcomments]

KEEP READING

Our Need For Approval

Your need for approval stems from your fear of rejection. Unconsciously seeking the need to be liked or loved by another and experiencing that approval means that you are not in a state of unworthiness, humiliation, “less than” or abandonment and this feels safer than the constant pursuit of someone else’s opinion defining you.

Owning Anger

I’ve been angry at people, myself, collective leadership, culture and everything that isn’t “seamless” in life. I’m judging myself and not owning my anger. I’m stuck in a pattern of pitying myself and thinking I’m weak because I am angry. Whilst I’ve been aware of it, I haven’t slowed down ENOUGH to digest feeling the accumulation of the collective panic, I have been in “response mode”.

The World I Have Come To Know

As I sit and watch, observe the world around me behave, watching my nephews eat and people stroll, walk and run past I can’t help but to feel the world around me…

Ever since I was a child I could really FEEL the world, people and their pain. I would feel their pain in order to not feel alone in the world. I also experienced so much of it myself that I wanted to help others with their pain.

The Cost Of Freedom

The price we pay for expansive freedom is feeling the pain of releasing the old that no longer serves us. The price we pay for freedom is releasing ourselves from the shackles of limitation and what holds us back from living our truth, our presence and our authentic being.

Nurturing A Woman’s Heart

Where do you feel you could be more present to deepening or opening the heart of your beloved and in turn get to know more about you? For me, it is more profound layers of compassion and deepened empathy. Remember, others have a history of hurt that they now also find it difficult to give their hearts and trust again…

START WITH YOUR LOVE BLOCKS

Complete this assessment to uncover the exact blocks preventing you from attracting and experiencing the love and intimacy you truly desire

Share This