Keeping It Real

For us to love each other we must respect each other’s anger.

Fierceness is an expression of inner strength; violence is an expression of frustrated, unconscious impotence. To disagree when in Union is natural.

We think disagreement is bad! What looks like a fight is maybe the fierceness of love raging passionately into the space that lovers occupy. More often than not, it’s individuated wounding rising to the surface.

HOW we disagree is important. As a shadow for man, we feel undifferentiated guilt & this makes the exchange of authentic love tough. In this confusion, we resort to violence & close down our hearts to deal with our impotence.

In my life, my internal pain & frustrations would be projected abhorrently upon others in an attempt to ease my own selected suffering & confusion.

Until we know what our shadow needs & we nurture it until we have determined how we have demeaned & injured women we will be caught in a cycle of infantile shame & guilt.

We must learn to express our anger healthily. If we don’t we simmer in silent hostility, making ineffective love & war simultaneously. We are not whole & more like fractured.

Similarly, intense rage directed TO man, filtered through the lens of a woman having experienced collective oppression for so long will be vomited ON man.

Can we temper our aggression & go within? Distinguish between appropriate adult responsibility & mature masculine/feminine response & inappropriate feelings of projected blame & shame upon our lovers.

We carry an unconscious belief that our lovers must take away our pain. No. AND…This is a dance & it requires both of us to “do the work”. The feminine must integrate the fullness of her power in order for the mature masculine to stand a chance in meeting her with presence.

As we choose to feel & be real we will liberate ourselves. We must expect the swamp of hostility to erupt into a deluge of very uncomfortable emotion that will express rage, sorrow & disorientation.

A commitment to hold each other, revere & see each other during this exchange will deepen the bonds & help us know our own selves with greater appreciation. Compassion & healthy boundaries are key.

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

[fbcomments]

KEEP READING

“Controlling” The Mystery

Men seek to control what they do not understand. We spend so much of our energy and time attempting to subjugate, conquer or demean women because we feel threatened and vulnerable to the mystery power that the feminine holds over our unconscious psyches.

The Dying Art Of Masculine Sacred Ritual

The sacredness of man has become diluted by cultural clutter, rampant consumerism, unhealthy masculinity and relational disconnection. However, it...

Go Deep To Go Far

There is so much superficial shit out there. The problem isn’t superficiality, the ‘puzzle’ (as opposed to the problem) is we remain in the superficial for too long. We are too scared to venture into the deep (we will come back around to this).

The superficial is actually healthy and a place where we can find common ground. Imagine being on a date – getting to know someone and your first question is: “so tell me your deepest childhood trauma”?

The Decisive Nature Of Man

Can you leap fully in to the life you choose and be all in?

Can you commit fully to what you value deeply?

Do you know what you value?

Have you the courage to posture your truth?

The Humble Man To The Sacredness Of Woman

There are awakened, humble and open men in this world WILLING to adore and to revere the sacredness of woman – to lead with prowess and to be open to being lead…

There are awakened and open men ready to SEE the sacredness of woman for who she truly is.

There are awakened and open men who deeply miss the sacredness of woman when she is not near. Not from desperation, but because her essence inspires him profoundly.

Share This