Doing The Inner Work

Firstly, this isn’t a gender thing. It’s a people thing. We are often really scared of change.

This is often a tough one in relationships. We want people to change with us, to do what we do, try what we try, feel what we feel and share similar interests.

At a primal level, it is our nervous system feeling safe in the presence of familiarity. Additionally, when we share similar paths, values and interests we are all part of the “in-group”. In social psychology, this is crucial to one’s feeling of being safe and surviving.

Imagine for a moment being alive 500,000 years ago being out in the wild. If you did something “wrong” you would be kicked out of the safety of the tribe. You would be an “out”cast, on your own in the “out-group”. This would mean certain death. It’s also why so many are terrified of public speaking. YOU vs. the many. If you say something wrong in that open forum you’re OUT!

There is something very primal about wanting others to see us and agree with us and similarly, we don’t want others to change. Imagine for a moment you were able to step into a deep compassion for your partner…

Assume your own this tremendous growth journey – yoga, Tony Robbins, meditations, immersive retreats, Byron Katie, breath practices, inner child healing, trauma therapy, juice cleansing – you know all the things.

And you really want your partner to get on board, but they are resistant… do your best to SEE (feel also) beyond the surface. Perhaps they were exposed to rapid change as a child (volatility, parents leaving suddenly, violence, etc) and change signifies turbulence, being left behind, isolation, loneliness and pain.

They then may have an aversion to change and new and novel things. Be patient. Live your life according to your values. Inspire through action, get clear on your non-negotiable, be gentle and know that you MAY have to have a difficult conversation but before that come from love, understanding and a willingness to focus healthily on you.

There is more to it than this and this may help you connect deeper to your truth and your partner’s

One is glad to be of service.


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



The Authentic Art Of Courting

When courting or in the pursuit of intimate relationship we place the grandest version of ourselves forward. We present what we perceive to be the what the ‘other’ desires, needs or wants…

The Self-Revering Man

The man who respects, trusts and reveres himself is the man who stands in vertical awe of his own being.
This is not arrogance but rather ‘aware confidence’ and a deepened connection to self that supersedes doubt, fear and confusion.

The Change Of Man

Men have been in flux for a great deal of time – transmuting, reviving, redefining and realising their role, place and understanding of self. For those men especially that are not graced by (or have produced) affluence and have access to resources these are trying times on their masculinity and their perception of self…

Sacred Sexual Union


When we are having sex we are literally INSIDE of another human being. This level of intimacy at a physical level is profound. It can open every other faculty of being we have access to.

For this degree of sacredness to exist, we must both exist. For the feminine body to feel safe to be this exposed & open she must trust. To be trustworthy, we must fully open as men & be transparent.

A Story Of Longevity & Respect

We become so fucking excited when we move in to a relationship. Our hormones go wild, any form of intelligence gets thrown out with the trash. We become primal, we go deep in to our physiology.

Of course there are times when there is a ‘soul recognition’, a ‘past-life’ connection and then it becomes more spiritual. As this phenomenological experience is rising, for many this form of deepened awareness in intimate relationship eludes us.

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