Doing The Inner Work

Firstly, this isn’t a gender thing. It’s a people thing. We are often really scared of change.

This is often a tough one in relationships. We want people to change with us, to do what we do, try what we try, feel what we feel and share similar interests.

At a primal level, it is our nervous system feeling safe in the presence of familiarity. Additionally, when we share similar paths, values and interests we are all part of the “in-group”. In social psychology, this is crucial to one’s feeling of being safe and surviving.

Imagine for a moment being alive 500,000 years ago being out in the wild. If you did something “wrong” you would be kicked out of the safety of the tribe. You would be an “out”cast, on your own in the “out-group”. This would mean certain death. It’s also why so many are terrified of public speaking. YOU vs. the many. If you say something wrong in that open forum you’re OUT!

There is something very primal about wanting others to see us and agree with us and similarly, we don’t want others to change. Imagine for a moment you were able to step into a deep compassion for your partner…

Assume your own this tremendous growth journey – yoga, Tony Robbins, meditations, immersive retreats, Byron Katie, breath practices, inner child healing, trauma therapy, juice cleansing – you know all the things.

And you really want your partner to get on board, but they are resistant… do your best to SEE (feel also) beyond the surface. Perhaps they were exposed to rapid change as a child (volatility, parents leaving suddenly, violence, etc) and change signifies turbulence, being left behind, isolation, loneliness and pain.

They then may have an aversion to change and new and novel things. Be patient. Live your life according to your values. Inspire through action, get clear on your non-negotiable, be gentle and know that you MAY have to have a difficult conversation but before that come from love, understanding and a willingness to focus healthily on you.

There is more to it than this and this may help you connect deeper to your truth and your partner’s

One is glad to be of service.


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



Intimacy – A Dance Between Lovers

“The intimate and blissful dance between taking & being taken allows us to know ourselves at such depth”. This is contrast dynamics/polarity dynamics & the song of the masculine & the feminine, which resides within all of us.

What Is Masculinity?

Masculinity is not a fad, it’s not “bad”, toxic or wrong. Masculinity as an expressive construct is natural to us as men. As men, in our core essence of masculinity, we have lost touch with what it means to be “masculine”.
I am not here to tell you how to “be a man”. That’s your role, you know how. However, most men have lost deep contact with their healthy masculine presence. How to assume that power once more.

The Giving Of The Cosmic Heart

“I have ‘seen’ it all and in seeing it all, I fear no-thing or no-one”.

It is only in recognizing the value of living that we may bow in sublime reverence to love and the open heart of presence.

We all emerge, expand and merge from the same source of life. That source is the infinite tonal beat of the cosmic heart.

The Power Of Belief In Relationship

If you don’t believe in yourself or your beloved, you will never grow and be in consistent friction within your own mindscape and your dynamic with each other.

An Open Apology To The Feminine – PART II

Men, we are not less than for apologising. We are not weak, meek and passive. When we own who we are, we are liberated, empowered and free to grow and expand. Forgiveness (seeking or accepting) is expansive and is a sign of fucking strength.

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