See that little child in your lover. There is a little one inside each of us.

We become confused because when we are hurt by the actions of adults. We see adults who “should know better”. We witness mature, developed adults taking actions that are hurtful, malicious & laden with intent.

We blame, shame & project just like they have upon us. We cannot see beyond their actions & their harm. Can you see the wounded 7 yr old in that person that is hurting you? Can you feel their pain? They are suffering so much that they cannot self-regulate, they are in panic, fear & stress? Has this ever been you?

I am not suggesting you excuse behaviour that is harmful (emotional, psychological or physical). You must set healthy boundaries, know your worth & stand in what you value. I am suggesting compassion. How do we break the cycles of harm & wounding if we cannot see beyond the actions & look deeper into the source?

Most harmful actions towards others come from a place of wanting to protect ourselves, we are coming from fear, we are defensive & we are acting in the only way we know how. Our protective coping strategies once served us as children, but as adults tend to push those we love away.

Seeing the inner wounded child that didn’t receive the love, appraisal, approval & care within ourselves & others can defuse & redirect the outburst. We can begin to take responsibility, feel safer within, protected & not so volatile.

My childhood was full of violence, fear, tension, volatility, absence & confusion. Unchecked, I brought this into my adult relationships. Mimicking what was unresolved, unprocessed yet familiar. I was verbally abusive, distant, & unpredictable in my thoughts & actions.

I was a product of my environment & I chose to not change that because the pain & processing it was too intense until I was left with no choice. Leaving a trail of disaster, I chose to see & hold that little boy within in a way that my parents couldn’t. I learned to reparent myself.

I help others discover their power through inner child integration & healing the past so that it doesn’t live in the present. If you are tired of repeating painful patterns in relationship, contact me.

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author