When Someone Tells You That You Can’t, What They’re Really Saying Is They Can’t

Don’t get caught up in the ignorance and insecurities of others. So often, we are stuck in our own pains and fears and we project this outwardly.

When those in your life display jealousy, ‘put downs’, relentless and thoughtless doubt, nay-saying, antagonistic behavior and looking for and identifying the worst in all that you are and do, it is linked intimately to their own sense of self.

Their self-worth is so low that their ‘small ego’ cannot accept this ugliness, perceived lack or ‘defect’ in its own identity. It’s less painful to project outwardly, than to take ownership of this ugly display of relating.

The truth of it is that they and you are worthy. I remember, I used to be so stuck in my identity and what others thought of me. I doubted myself so much, I didn’t truly embrace my potential and power.

I would secretly be jealous of other’s achievements. I wouldn’t take ownership for my choices and often put others down for their skills or character traits or bring their successes down to raw luck. I just couldn’t own and admit that I could be doing life better.

As I faced my own demons and shadows, I began to release this need to discriminate so harshly and hate on othersboth overtly and secretly. Rather, I became inspired by the achievements and postures of others, instead of threatened or intimidated – this became fucking liberating.

This can be tough as a man, as we often want to dominate and be the best at what we set out to do. There is so much unhealthy competition in the world that we have forgotten how to grow as men through healthy competing.

Once I grounded in a deeper sense of my own self and who and what I was, I grew and expanded in my path. I began to ask questions around my service and how I could learn and grow as opposed to focusing on what I wasn’t ‘good enough’ at of what I lacked and what others had. I basically stepped out of repetitive cycle of victimhood.

Often, how others see us is a reflection of where they’re at within themselves, in combination with their own internal models of reality, judgments, ideologies and beliefs. Don’t take it personally AND… ask: what wisdom or opportunity exists in that external attack on you and your way of being that may allow you to grow and be a better version of you?!

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

[fbcomments]

KEEP READING

A Man’s Suffering

You would think this wouldn’t be that hard to have in modern world. However, we are missing this. Men are overworked, depressed, repressed, isolated, numb and in excess pursuit of values such as status that does not serve.

Our boys are still growing in to adult bodies without effective rites of passage, without the confidence, wisdom, knowledge and skills. They are essentially left to fend for themselves and figure it out alone.

Male Sexual Mastery

“When we master our sexual selves as men, the feminine will pulsate wildly, yearning to be felt, touched, seen and known for who she is. She will have faith in your ability to hold her, touch her and grip her with the integrated power that is you. Until such mastery, we waiver and are weakened by unconscious impulses. Open to the unconscious becoming conscious and sexual liberation and freedom awaits you…”

Boy Or Man?

MEN ARE FUCKING GOOD!!! There are immature “boy-men” that have never grown up, constantly stuck in their pain and in avoidance. These men though are not to be shamed.

Doing The Inner Work

Firstly, this isn’t a gender thing. It’s a people thing. We are often really scared of change.
This is often a tough one in relationships. We want people to change with us, to do what we do, try what we try, feel what we feel and share similar interests.
At a primal level, it is our nervous system feeling safe in the presence of familiarity. Additionally, when we share similar paths, values and interests we are all part of the “in-group”. In social psychology, this is crucial to one’s feeling of being safe and surviving.

Explore Your Power

Growing up I always felt there was another way, but never thought I would free myself from the pain of a disconnected self.

I was hopeful, but disempowered. This frustrated me deeply as a man and so I lashed out to the world and lashed inwardly to my internal self.

Share This