Keeping It Real

For us to love each other we must respect each other’s anger.

Fierceness is an expression of inner strength; violence is an expression of frustrated, unconscious impotence. To disagree when in Union is natural.

We think disagreement is bad! What looks like a fight is maybe the fierceness of love raging passionately in to the space that lovers occupy. More often than not, it’s individuated wounding rising to the surface.

HOW we disagree is important. As a shadow for man, we feel undifferentiated guilt & this makes the exchange of authentic love tough. In this confusion we resort to violence & close down our hearts to deal with our impotence.

In my life my internal pain & frustrations would be projected abhorrently upon others in an attempt to ease my own selected suffering & confusion.

Until we know what our shadow needs & we nurture it, until we have determined how we have demeaned & injured women we will be caught in a cycle of infantile shame & guilt.

We must learn to express our anger healthily. If we don’t we simmer in silent hostility, making ineffective love & war simultaneously. We are not whole & more like fractured.

Similarly, intense rage directed TO man, filtered through the lens of woman having experienced collective oppression for so long will be vomited ON man.

Can we temper our aggression & go within? Distinguish between appropriate adult responsibility & mature masculine/feminine response & inappropriate feelings of projected blame & shame upon our lovers.

We carry an unconscious belief that our lovers must takeaway our pain. No. AND...This is a dance & it requires both of us to “do the work”. The feminine must integrate the fullness of her power in order for the mature masculine to stand a chance in meeting her with presence.

As we choose to feel & be real we will liberate ourselves. We must expect the swamp of hostility to erupt in to a deluge of very uncomfortable emotion that will express rage, sorrow & disorientation.

A commitment to hold each other, revere & see each other during this exchange will deepen the bonds & help us know our own selves with greater appreciation. Compassion & healthy boundaries are key.

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

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The Great Divide

Space… The great divide. I am not speaking to the space we may know as outer space, the cosmos or the universe. I am referring to the space we require in relationships. We forget the utter importance of what space provides us.
Space is a bridge. Attraction, eroticism, connection and intimacy not only comes from closeness, but it comes from space, distance and a yearning to be in each other’s presence. And the creation of space is an “art”. Too much and one is perhaps forgotten, not often enough and one may feel suffocated and the loss of magnetism.

An Open Apology To The Feminine – PART I

And so we are here… We have finally arrived at a place that will either determine our inward evolution or completely break who we are and who we have the capacity to be. Will we choose sacredness in union or will we choose further division?

Seeing The Shadow In Another Is Holding The Shadow In Ourselves

When we see the shadow in another and we embrace this shadow, appreciate this shadow, revere this shadow and embrace this shadow we cease to stumble, we cease to polarise and we cease to ‘lose’ in life…

Judgment, Disgust & An Open Heart – Expression In Intimate Relationship

Judgement is a tool for separation, for denial of the wholeness of what we are. In intimate relationship judgement hinders our ability to connect openly and lovingly.

Doing The Inner Work

Firstly, this isn’t a gender thing. It’s a people thing. We are often really scared of change.
This is often a tough one in relationships. We want people to change with us, to do what we do, try what we try, feel what we feel and share similar interests.
At a primal level, it is our nervous system feeling safe in the presence of familiarity. Additionally, when we share similar paths, values and interests we are all part of the “in-group”. In social psychology, this is crucial to one’s feeling of being safe and surviving.

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