I was beaten…

I was loved…

I was made to feel paralysing fear…

I had food, shelter and warmth…

I was shamed when I was “wrong”…

I was attended to…

I was abandoned…

I gave love and never received anything back…

I took love selfishly…

I was allowed to just be…

I was told I wasn’t good enough…

I was ignored…

I was allowed…

I was bullied…

I bullied…

I was forgotten about…

I was held when I was sad…

I was given real opportunities…

I felt so lost…

I lashed out to the world…

I was deeply dishonest…

I numbed, suppressed and forgot my pain…

And the list goes on and on and on and on…

We all have stories… We all have a past. Most of our pasts are less lopsided than we think.

Amidst the chaos, confusion and the volatility exists a place where there is at the least; some peace. My past and childhood at large weren’t pretty… Many of us share similar pasts.

I was beaten, abused, ignored, shamed, grew up in volatility and fear. As a young father, he was narcissistic and a tyrant. He didn’t know how to control his anger and he lashed out at his family. As a child, this was terrifying. As an adult, it hardened me, made me wiser and resilient (but not before moving through the gauntlet of pain). I moved through anger, projections, my own demons, feeling full and the forgiveness as an adult before I was able to see he did what he could with what he had…

AND… There were times of pure intention. Where I just for a moment I felt freedom. That time just before drifting to sleep, the times I was with my grandparents and I knew I was safe, that split moment before sleep… Yes, peacefulness and not a worry in the world.

These moments exist in our lives for all of us (even if they are few and far between). We all have stories… What are your moments of peace and connection? 

This is NOT a story of pity, more of opportunity and connection… We all have stories… And NO ONE is discounting yours… AND How will you rewrite what no longer serves you…??? 

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author