The One Thing That Creates Connection, Depth, and Intimacy

A man of deepened nobility responds to the actual and relies on the real to shape his mind and heart. We often create stories about how our reality plays out. These stories we create are often based on old unprocessed and unknown fear and wounding. Fear of being rejected, yelled at, told we’re wrong, being shamed and more…

These stories we create are here to protect us from being hurt. We are being reactive. It’s what the brain does really well. The issue is what we once faced is no longer really present but parts of us are just being extra safe to not get hurt. These stories then inform our behavior and sense of self. We often “overprotect” ourselves based on these unresolved wounds.

This pushes people away, keeps us playing small, hiding and in fear. We want intimacy and connection but struggle to create it because we are running internal mental, emotional and spiritual programs of fear.

I ran these programs for years. It kept me from engaging authentically and really connecting in-depth and intimacy. It wasn’t until I began to clear the baggage and the trauma of the past and started creating new stories based on what was actually happening instead of project the past into the now that I began to live a meaningful life – connected sex, outward success, genuine friendships, enhanced opportunities and sincere love.

When men own their space and live in their truth, when our actions match our words and we move through our fears, we stop pretending and start owning living life unapologetically from a place of inclusivity and love. We don’t overreact, get angry and aggressive and criticize or stonewall those we love out of pre-emptive fear of being hurt.

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

[fbcomments]

KEEP READING

10 Ways Spirituality Will Save Your Relationship – Part II

In part I we delved deep in to the 10 ways having a spiritual practice and being ‘spiritual’ could serve, save and harmonise your relationships in such a way that you would grow, feel connected and effectively completely overhaul and dramatically improve the quality of…

A Story Of Longevity & Respect

We become so fucking excited when we move in to a relationship. Our hormones go wild, any form of intelligence gets thrown out with the trash. We become primal, we go deep in to our physiology.

Of course there are times when there is a ‘soul recognition’, a ‘past-life’ connection and then it becomes more spiritual. As this phenomenological experience is rising, for many this form of deepened awareness in intimate relationship eludes us.

Why ‘One Is Glad To Be Of Service’

Many years ago, I watched a beautiful movie called Bicentennial Man with Robin Williams. An unfolding and beautiful story about an AI Robot who is an enigma and somehow carries consciousness, awareness and metacognition. The journey unravels that he continues to grow and wishes to ‘BE-come’ human. What does it mean to be human?

Owning Anger

I’ve been angry at people, myself, collective leadership, culture and everything that isn’t “seamless” in life. I’m judging myself and not owning my anger. I’m stuck in a pattern of pitying myself and thinking I’m weak because I am angry. Whilst I’ve been aware of it, I haven’t slowed down ENOUGH to digest feeling the accumulation of the collective panic, I have been in “response mode”.

Claiming One’s Self

We are constant works in progress. We are consistently evolving who we are. Perfection exists but only in a non-attached manner.

We are perfectly imperfect. That is the riddle. In my own life I have made many many mis-takes, many ‘failures’ and many choices that have not been conducive to my health or the health of my loved ones.

Share This