Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

Claiming One’s Self

“A vulnerable share”.

We are constant works in progress. We are consistently evolving who we are. Perfection exists but only in a non-attached manner.

We are perfectly imperfect. That is the riddle. In my own life I have made many many mis-takes, many ‘failures’ and many choices that have not been conducive to my health or the health of my loved ones.

I have felt much pain and fear and of course still do, the intensity, duration and volume has softened and importantly, how I relate to these aspects of life has transmuted.

I have suffered and I have caused others suffering. I openly speak to integrity and authenticity; sovereign leadership and self-empowerment; congruency and truth; open vulnerability and ownership of self.

I have not always been this person and in fact have come from the antithesis of this space. I have chosen to learn humbly and openly through my pain, my choices and my actions that have been both conscious and unconscious and that have hurt others deeply.

I don’t claim to always ‘get it right’ and in fact I still f**k up. The difference from now to then is the pace and conscious awareness at which I grow, rebound, adjust and reclaim my power has sped up dramatically.

I can step in to peace and self-compassion instead of anger and despondency; apathy and disconnection. And even then, I can still feel this. And yes, I’m ok with this.

Why? Intention and action is the key here. I move with a specific intention. If I f**k up, then I own it as quickly as I can. I grow, I become wiser, I give greater and I claim who I am. I also have profound clarity on who I am, where I am going and my path.

This clarity allows me to take action conducive and in authentic alignment with who I truly am. I wish to serve, to be me and if this touches and perhaps opens the hearts and minds of others then I am blessed.

We will fall, we will stumble, we will be hypocritical as we transition through the varied stages of growth that is us. As we form new ideas, beliefs, breakthrough limiting patterns and fears we will present as if we are immersed in a state of hypocrisy.

Others will judge us, we will judge ourselves and often harshly. This is an integral part of journey and growth. Be with this. Love this aspect of you. Allow the curves in this transition to form the impermanent and fluxing chasms of who you are.

I have been this person, I have been in disconnect. I have ‘lost’ deeply, yet discovered the profound nature of authentic integrity. Yes, through dire challenge has come the opportunity for profound and revelatory growth. And I have gained infinitely…

I choose to be of service. To serve others on their journey’s, so that they may learn from my pain, joy and plethora of experiences – so we can grow and learn together… We often cloak ourselves with ego – shedding the coat can be challenging.

I have personally faced multiple ego deaths. Some I wish I had faced earlier, but all in good timing. But we learn profoundly from this delayering. It becomes powerful in our own transformative praxis.

I embrace that and own that. Love that and feel the fullness of that. I am not perfect. I do my best to practice what I openly advocate. I do this with sincere intention and honour for the impeccable nature of my word.

We are all learning and growing. This does not excuse behavior that is laden with malice or an intention to harm self or others. That is why clarity is king and clear intention is beautifully powerful.

I am not proud of some of my choices, I also recognize that I would not be who I am today without these decisions. It does not remove the pain caused to self and others. I can only be in deep gratitude and humbly apologetic. There comes a time when we realise that all that we are and have been does lend itself to growth. The release and forgiveness in this expands us deeply…

By making life bigger than me, by shedding excess selfish layers of expression and by creating balance in my life with respect to health selfishness and serving others with humility and detached duty, the essence of intention becomes clean, smooth and whole.

When we choose to grow and contribute we are winning. I now feel like I am winning and for this I am in deep gratitude…

One is always glad to be of service.

Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker
Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

Masculine Sexual Complexity

I spent many years not having a very healthy relationship to sexuality – the act itself, my sexual projections and my sexual essence. I used sex as a means to validate my worthiness and how I viewed myself. The truth is I manipulated the art of sexuality to attempt to fill a void that was not fillable.

This was the case because I was living from fear and using sexuality, external desirability, and the quantity of sex as a measuring tool for self-worry. Yes, it was about hedonistic self-gratifying pleasure and it was also a scream for intimacy and connection.

Bullies Are Tortured Souls

Fractured and fragmented by their own sense of not belonging, feeling rejected, and being isolated themselves. They turn to outward blame and assault to feel better and feel relief from their powerlessness. It doesn’t justify it, nor make it right… We heal through resilience and compassion. Lets’ delve in deeper…

Experiencing The Father Wound As An Adult

The father wound can show up in all of us. The father wound refers to father absenteeism, whether both emotionally and/or physically, and/or your father being very critical, negative, and even abusive character, can impact you and your adult intimate relationships.

Rise To That Higher Outlook

Rise to that higher outlook – the reality that awaits you beyond your old wounds, beliefs, and fears. That is where the infinite nature of love and possibility will greet your heart with openness and freedom only once dreamt of. You simply need to venture beyond the unknown with complete surrender…

Home in Retrospect

It has been really difficult being back here “home”… What is home? It has changed for me so much. The last few years have been turbulent, revealing, painful, healing and empowering. Being back in this place has disorientated me in many ways.
Yes, it has been nurturing to my soul, my dear friends, blessed life long connections, family and loved ones, yet I feel displaced. Have you ever been somewhere that felt so familiar, yet you feel you didn’t belong anymore? I am here.

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