Claiming One’s Self

“A vulnerable share”.

We are constant works in progress. We are consistently evolving who we are. Perfection exists but only in a non-attached manner.

We are perfectly imperfect. That is the riddle. In my own life I have made many many mis-takes, many ‘failures’ and many choices that have not been conducive to my health or the health of my loved ones.

I have felt much pain and fear and of course still do, the intensity, duration and volume has softened and importantly, how I relate to these aspects of life has transmuted.

I have suffered and I have caused others suffering. I openly speak to integrity and authenticity; sovereign leadership and self-empowerment; congruency and truth; open vulnerability and ownership of self.

I have not always been this person and in fact have come from the antithesis of this space. I have chosen to learn humbly and openly through my pain, my choices and my actions that have been both conscious and unconscious and that have hurt others deeply.

I don’t claim to always ‘get it right’ and in fact I still f**k up. The difference from now to then is the pace and conscious awareness at which I grow, rebound, adjust and reclaim my power has sped up dramatically.

I can step in to peace and self-compassion instead of anger and despondency; apathy and disconnection. And even then, I can still feel this. And yes, I’m ok with this.

Why? Intention and action is the key here. I move with a specific intention. If I f**k up, then I own it as quickly as I can. I grow, I become wiser, I give greater and I claim who I am. I also have profound clarity on who I am, where I am going and my path.

This clarity allows me to take action conducive and in authentic alignment with who I truly am. I wish to serve, to be me and if this touches and perhaps opens the hearts and minds of others then I am blessed.

We will fall, we will stumble, we will be hypocritical as we transition through the varied stages of growth that is us. As we form new ideas, beliefs, breakthrough limiting patterns and fears we will present as if we are immersed in a state of hypocrisy.

Others will judge us, we will judge ourselves and often harshly. This is an integral part of journey and growth. Be with this. Love this aspect of you. Allow the curves in this transition to form the impermanent and fluxing chasms of who you are.

I have been this person, I have been in disconnect. I have ‘lost’ deeply, yet discovered the profound nature of authentic integrity. Yes, through dire challenge has come the opportunity for profound and revelatory growth. And I have gained infinitely…

I choose to be of service. To serve others on their journey’s, so that they may learn from my pain, joy and plethora of experiences – so we can grow and learn together… We often cloak ourselves with ego – shedding the coat can be challenging.

I have personally faced multiple ego deaths. Some I wish I had faced earlier, but all in good timing. But we learn profoundly from this delayering. It becomes powerful in our own transformative praxis.

I embrace that and own that. Love that and feel the fullness of that. I am not perfect. I do my best to practice what I openly advocate. I do this with sincere intention and honour for the impeccable nature of my word.

We are all learning and growing. This does not excuse behavior that is laden with malice or an intention to harm self or others. That is why clarity is king and clear intention is beautifully powerful.

I am not proud of some of my choices, I also recognize that I would not be who I am today without these decisions. It does not remove the pain caused to self and others. I can only be in deep gratitude and humbly apologetic. There comes a time when we realise that all that we are and have been does lend itself to growth. The release and forgiveness in this expands us deeply…

By making life bigger than me, by shedding excess selfish layers of expression and by creating balance in my life with respect to health selfishness and serving others with humility and detached duty, the essence of intention becomes clean, smooth and whole.

When we choose to grow and contribute we are winning. I now feel like I am winning and for this I am in deep gratitude…

One is always glad to be of service.

Stef Sifandos

Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

Stef Sifandos

Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

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Men, Just LISTEN, Don’t Fix

As men, we yearn to fix, it feels like an accomplishment, like we have conquered the challenge. There is more to this though. There are times when the situation, perceived problem or pain does not require anything else but our presence.

We want to fix in order to feel useful, worthy or of value. I know I have in the past. We don’t realise that our own insecurities prevent us from going deeper with our loved ones. Our beloved at times simply wants to be seen and heard.

Go Deep To Go Far

There is so much superficial shit out there. The problem isn’t superficiality, the ‘puzzle’ (as opposed to the problem) is we remain in the superficial for too long. We are too scared to venture into the deep (we will come back around to this).

The superficial is actually healthy and a place where we can find common ground. Imagine being on a date – getting to know someone and your first question is: “so tell me your deepest childhood trauma”?

The Great Divide

Space… The great divide. I am not speaking to the space we may know as outer space, the cosmos or the universe. I am referring to the space we require in relationships. We forget the utter importance of what space provides us.
Space is a bridge. Attraction, eroticism, connection and intimacy not only comes from closeness, but it comes from space, distance and a yearning to be in each other’s presence. And the creation of space is an “art”. Too much and one is perhaps forgotten, not often enough and one may feel suffocated and the loss of magnetism.

Man – Starter Of Worlds

Man as an intellectual and spiritual beast is the sovereign creator of his reality. A man pursuing strength over weakness is aware of his ability to create and mold the world he lives in.

Meaning, the affirming of oneself and our own worth is an inside job. This notion of intimate and sovereign self-reliance is the back bone of the contemporary man. The new man must also acquaint himself with a trusted brethren.