Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

Claiming One’s Self

“A vulnerable share”.

We are constant works in progress. We are consistently evolving who we are. Perfection exists but only in a non-attached manner.

We are perfectly imperfect. That is the riddle. In my own life I have made many many mis-takes, many ‘failures’ and many choices that have not been conducive to my health or the health of my loved ones.

I have felt much pain and fear and of course still do, the intensity, duration and volume has softened and importantly, how I relate to these aspects of life has transmuted.

I have suffered and I have caused others suffering. I openly speak to integrity and authenticity; sovereign leadership and self-empowerment; congruency and truth; open vulnerability and ownership of self.

I have not always been this person and in fact have come from the antithesis of this space. I have chosen to learn humbly and openly through my pain, my choices and my actions that have been both conscious and unconscious and that have hurt others deeply.

I don’t claim to always ‘get it right’ and in fact I still f**k up. The difference from now to then is the pace and conscious awareness at which I grow, rebound, adjust and reclaim my power has sped up dramatically.

I can step in to peace and self-compassion instead of anger and despondency; apathy and disconnection. And even then, I can still feel this. And yes, I’m ok with this.

Why? Intention and action is the key here. I move with a specific intention. If I f**k up, then I own it as quickly as I can. I grow, I become wiser, I give greater and I claim who I am. I also have profound clarity on who I am, where I am going and my path.

This clarity allows me to take action conducive and in authentic alignment with who I truly am. I wish to serve, to be me and if this touches and perhaps opens the hearts and minds of others then I am blessed.

We will fall, we will stumble, we will be hypocritical as we transition through the varied stages of growth that is us. As we form new ideas, beliefs, breakthrough limiting patterns and fears we will present as if we are immersed in a state of hypocrisy.

Others will judge us, we will judge ourselves and often harshly. This is an integral part of journey and growth. Be with this. Love this aspect of you. Allow the curves in this transition to form the impermanent and fluxing chasms of who you are.

I have been this person, I have been in disconnect. I have ‘lost’ deeply, yet discovered the profound nature of authentic integrity. Yes, through dire challenge has come the opportunity for profound and revelatory growth. And I have gained infinitely…

I choose to be of service. To serve others on their journey’s, so that they may learn from my pain, joy and plethora of experiences – so we can grow and learn together… We often cloak ourselves with ego – shedding the coat can be challenging.

I have personally faced multiple ego deaths. Some I wish I had faced earlier, but all in good timing. But we learn profoundly from this delayering. It becomes powerful in our own transformative praxis.

I embrace that and own that. Love that and feel the fullness of that. I am not perfect. I do my best to practice what I openly advocate. I do this with sincere intention and honour for the impeccable nature of my word.

We are all learning and growing. This does not excuse behavior that is laden with malice or an intention to harm self or others. That is why clarity is king and clear intention is beautifully powerful.

I am not proud of some of my choices, I also recognize that I would not be who I am today without these decisions. It does not remove the pain caused to self and others. I can only be in deep gratitude and humbly apologetic. There comes a time when we realise that all that we are and have been does lend itself to growth. The release and forgiveness in this expands us deeply…

By making life bigger than me, by shedding excess selfish layers of expression and by creating balance in my life with respect to health selfishness and serving others with humility and detached duty, the essence of intention becomes clean, smooth and whole.

When we choose to grow and contribute we are winning. I now feel like I am winning and for this I am in deep gratitude…

One is always glad to be of service.

Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker
Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

The Expansive Masculine

When my mother sent me some old pictures of when I was child, my heart opened and memories came flooding back to me. I saw an innocent little boy with a massive smile on his face.

Yet the happy times were outweighed massively by the sadness and fear I experienced. Overtime that little boy learned that closing down his heart was the best way to protect himself. Then he grew up to be a man that was shut down because of a his pain.

A Story Of Longevity & Respect

We become so fucking excited when we move in to a relationship. Our hormones go wild, any form of intelligence gets thrown out with the trash. We become primal, we go deep in to our physiology.

Of course there are times when there is a ‘soul recognition’, a ‘past-life’ connection and then it becomes more spiritual. As this phenomenological experience is rising, for many this form of deepened awareness in intimate relationship eludes us.

Acknowledge Your Pain

There is no shame in acknowledging our pain.

When man hides his grief with anger we all suffer. I was excessively angry for so long. Blaming others for my repeated “misfortunes”, snapping at those I loved and hating on everything that went “wrong” in my life.

Boy Or Man?

MEN ARE FUCKING GOOD!!! There are immature “boy-men” that have never grown up, constantly stuck in their pain and in avoidance. These men though are not to be shamed.

The Heavier the Rock, The Lighter the Mind

And… Not always. Without, what I call the practice of ‘Vertical Masculine Presence’ as men we can become lost in our movement through the world. This model of ‘Vertical Masculine Presence’ consists of 6 key practices. Let’s unpack them!

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