The Great Divide

Space… The great divide. I am not speaking to the space we may know as outer space, the cosmos or the universe. I am referring to the space we require in relationships. We forget the utter importance of what space provides us.

Space is a bridge. Attraction, eroticism, connection and intimacy not only comes from closeness, but it comes from space, distance and a yearning to be in each other’s presence. And the creation of space is an “art”. Too much and one is perhaps forgotten, not often enough and one may feel suffocated and the loss of magnetism.

In my previous relationships, I would either be too intense and fear space because of my own insecurities and fears of abandonment and being rejected or being as not doing the right thing that I would not provide space. Men, let me be clear! This is unattractive and not healthy.

Space allows us to know ourselves. It is distance, yearning and the thinking of another that helps us see their true worth. Now, it must be said that to effortlessly create space in your relationships means that you must deal with the primal and/or environmental insecurities that drive your ability to be more self-assured and confident.

We think we will miss out, lose ourselves and fear loss in the relationship. We self-blame. “Did I do something wrong”? Was it me”? “Why do they need space, do they not like me anymore”? Our monkey minds can run wild. This is not healthy.

Coming back to understanding and knowing that space allows us to miss each other, gain perspective, have our own interests and move away from unhealthy expressions of co-dependency. It is necessary we have our own lives, social support structures and interests and purpose alongside sharing a present and future together.

In terms of sexual polarity, space allows us to feel and yearn for our partner’s presence and love. Space may seem daunting. We may feel like we are creating distance, however, if we deal with our stuff, have healthy agreements in place and carry self-worth, space can be a great revealer of truth and a liberator in relationships.

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

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