For us to love each other we must respect each other’s anger.

Fierceness is an expression of inner strength; violence is an expression of frustrated, unconscious impotence. To disagree when in Union is natural.

We think disagreement is bad! What looks like a fight is maybe the fierceness of love raging passionately in to the space that lovers occupy. More often than not, it’s individuated wounding rising to the surface.

HOW we disagree is important. As a shadow for man, we feel undifferentiated guilt & this makes the exchange of authentic love tough. In this confusion we resort to violence & close down our hearts to deal with our impotence.

In my life my internal pain & frustrations would be projected abhorrently upon others in an attempt to ease my own selected suffering & confusion.

Until we know what our shadow needs & we nurture it, until we have determined how we have demeaned & injured women we will be caught in a cycle of infantile shame & guilt.

We must learn to express our anger healthily. If we don’t we simmer in silent hostility, making ineffective love & war simultaneously. We are not whole & more like fractured.

Similarly, intense rage directed TO man, filtered through the lens of woman having experienced collective oppression for so long will be vomited ON man.

Can we temper our aggression & go within? Distinguish between appropriate adult responsibility & mature masculine/feminine response & inappropriate feelings of projected blame & shame upon our lovers.

We carry an unconscious belief that our lovers must takeaway our pain. No. AND...This is a dance & it requires both of us to “do the work”. The feminine must integrate the fullness of her power in order for the mature masculine to stand a chance in meeting her with presence.

As we choose to feel & be real we will liberate ourselves. We must expect the swamp of hostility to erupt in to a deluge of very uncomfortable emotion that will express rage, sorrow & disorientation.

A commitment to hold each other, revere & see each other during this exchange will deepen the bonds & help us know our own selves with greater appreciation. Compassion & healthy boundaries are key.

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author