There is no shame in acknowledging our pain.

When man hides his grief with anger we all suffer. I was excessively angry for so long. Blaming others for my repeated “misfortunes”, snapping at those I loved and hating on everything that went “wrong” in my life.

Men often mask their grief with anger. Their sense of loss, that feeling of not being nurtured, approved or protected by the father in their life. I felt this for too long and covered this sense of loss with so much anger and rage.

Grief seldom feels good at the time but if only we knew that it feels better than being numb to our feelings. Essentially when we grieve we are becoming alive again.

It is a compass for our life anew. A renewal of sorts allowing us to yearn for what we have lost so that we can recreate it in a new and empowered way. It helps us understand ourselves and accept what we pretended we didn’t need.

Closeness, trust, friendship, love, being seen and non-judgment. When most men are angry we are hiding grief and deep sadness. I know I did. And this anger ultimately drives us further away from what we actually need.

Denial is a short term strategy, not a way of permanence. Ancient cultures knew this and incorporated ways to deal with loss, war, pain and shame. I never shook that shit and that pain out until my adult years. The childhood trauma, the emotional loss of my father, the school yard teasing and more.

Roughing things out and numbing ourselves to sensation only further deadens us to the world and our truth. The organic release valves of sadness, tears, being held, shaking or primal screaming must be available to us otherwise we become more tensile within.

The Maori warriors knew this. After war they would rest in hot springs, under waterfalls and wash away their fear, sadness and bloodiness of war to become whole again. The women would sing to them as they let it all go.

Time to let it all go…

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author