We all have sex. Most of us adore sex. Most of us crave it, yet many of us do not know what we truly want when it comes to our sexual desires or fantasies. Our sexual fantasies often remain in the imagination because we are too fearful to explore the meaning of them.

We can’t explore them because we don’t own them. We repress and suppress our feelings and lose ourselves in what we think others want and we minimise our own needs. In doing so we behave from the shadow self.

Shadow sexual desires play out when we crave, are curious or yearn to express a particular way yet deny ourselves of this. We are too embarrassed, scared of being rejected, shamed or isolated because of our curiosities.

We must find those that we trust to be connected and intimate with. Those who will not shame us for wanting to explore parts of ourselves that may be perceived taboo or different by the mainstream. Perhaps its role play, perhaps it‘s a private getaway with your lover, perhaps its being with multiple partners at once.

Whatever you perceive to be ‘weird’ or outside the norm you will hide from and push away; and in doing so you are neglecting a part of you that needs to be seen. It is so liberating to cultivate the courage to speak in to existence your sexual desires.

And this is beyond something that is obscure or kink. It is about authentic expression. Remember, sexual expression presents itself in three forms and when we repress our deepest truth our life force energy (the third form) suffers. We withdraw from life, become secretive and lose our ability to be intimate.

I spent many years living in the shadows of my own sexuality and in sexual shame. When I owned who I was and actually dealt with suppressed trauma I felt sexually liberated – my mind was freed from incessant judgement and external guilt left me.

If you want to know yourself and be yourself in the world, dedicate yourself to finding yourself.

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author