Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

Vulnerability In Voice

There is great transitional and transformational power in releasing the fullness of one’s voice in to the world. Partial expression is important, but there are parts of self that must be heard. How do we know which parts are these? We feel it, we ‘know’. I am still finding the range, breadth, depth and robustness in my voice.

For most, if not all of my life I have hidden the truth and potency of the fullness of my voice. Many an action covering the layers of my congruent expression – the expression that truly wanted to be heard. And instead acting inauthentically and defensively.

Hiding in the shadows, being a boy and a man that was disconnected, disorientated, afraid to be seen, heard and exposed. Fearful of rejection, ridicule and humiliation caused me to act in a protective way that ultimately cloaked the essence of my being, whilst causing outwardly directed harm to others.

To cover self with masks, to hide behind veils. Never wanting to speak too loud, sing, scream or make noises or sounds from my mouth that was not considered the ‘norm’ or acceptable. Self-conscious of whether I could sing or not, not owning who I was, am, fearing being heard and seen in this way caused so much tension.

I hid this very well. I disguised these feelings of discomfort and intense frustrations with creating within myself an ability to speak with clarity, to write with conviction and to express wisdom and philosophy.

However, whilst this aspect of my expression growing, I was dimming the light on the expression that really needed to be heard. As I continue to move through life, I am more stepping in to my authentic self.

Being proud in a healthy way of who I am and the gifts I carry within myself. These gifts have taken time to cultivate and develop. Most have come with hardship, pain and the moving through fear.

The alternative is continued suppression, internalised tension, rigidity and living in the shadows of others and the potential self. So, I decided to begin the journey of sharing and expressing in ways that are uncomfortable.

It is easy to ‘do’ and be’ what is familiar, known and comfortable. When we challenge ourselves to the point that we are able to draw out other aspects of self that are unknown to us we grow, breakthrough and actualise our potential.

This is a journey, I am unravelling aspects of self daily, I know intrinsically I am not where I foresee myself being, but I am more on that path than ever before and perhaps this is all we can really do. Just be fully present to where we are.

Yes, I am still shy in certain expressive postures – this is not comfortable in admitting openly. Singing publicly still challenges me because of old beliefs, operant conditioning and experiences. But it is shifting. I urge you to explore what challenges you and go in to that as best you can.

We often think that being familiar with our pain points is a weakness. This couldn’t be further from fact. The reality is it requires tremendous courage in perpetual motion to delve in to the aspects of self that carry shame and pain…

Be open to it, feel it, own it, move with it and love it. When we begin to love these parts of ourselves we realise we are more than we think.

Men, if you wish to liberate yourself from stigma. If you wish to find your voice in an authentic and powerful manner then it is your time…

One is always glad to be of service.

Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker
Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker
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