The Authentic Art Of Courting

When courting or in the pursuit of intimate relationship we place the grandest version of ourselves forward. We present what we perceive to be the what the ‘other’ desires, needs or wants. We intertwine this with externally imposed collective values, societal pressure and a fear of being seen, known and felt.

To be open is to be vulnerable and to be vulnerable can be perceived as weak. Weakness lends itself to an inability to protect and therefore be unsafe. So, we court with the intention of polarising ourselves, instead of living from a space of connectedness, we basically pretend. It does not need to be this way…

We court for many reasons, we pursue or allow pursuit because it satisfies social, biological, relational, emotional, psychological and spiritual needs. In doing so we merge, converge, bind, bond and unite. In this unification we grow and expand.

There are three fundamental problems with courting of today.

  1. The fluctuating pain and challenge that stems from being exposed to high and unrealistic expectations, which forces us to behave and express erratically and in mis-alignment.
  2. he highly egoic expressive disposition of courting and;
  3. The falsification of self-driven largely through fear.

All three postures stem from an unrealistic view of what it means to be in union (sacred or other). We think that others need or want us to behave in a particular way, whilst this may be true for some immature relationships, for those who have explored themselves, know themselves to some deeper level or are on a deepened and heightened journey of self-discovery they only wish with all that they are that you simply ‘show up’ in all your glory, your darkness / light, with all that you are – your authentic and whole self.

Years ago, not that long ago this was what was needed of me and learned this the ‘difficult’ way… These types of relationships are real. They are not based on superficiality, facade, misplaced or unrealistic expectations.

They are raw, real and empowered. Why be ‘chivalrous’ or portray characteristics of chivalry when you first meet if that is not in your ‘make up’ or who you truly wish to be at that time…? Why be kind, sensitive, patient if that is not you most of the time?

Why pretend to be someone you are not, unless of course you are conscious of the transformational change you are eliciting within yourself and you are in a sort of ‘transition in between selves’. Then by all means own this, revere it and also… communicate it! That is the power right there!

We needn’t be something or someone we are not. Relationships break, break up or break down for a number of reasons. False pretence, discontinued action, not knowing self, miscommunication, fear and the cessation of presence are some.

Pretending in order to ‘win the perceived prize’ does not serve. I have been there. It is not pretty. It causes deep, traumatic pain. We won’t always get it right, we may occasionally still live from fear, I do it, you do it, that is ok – just be mindful and continue to grow…

Be you, because you matter. Anyone of substance wishes that more than anything else, that is the greatest gift you can give the world – is your brilliance and you have no [email protected]#%^*g right to deny the world of your brilliance.

‘Evolved’ individuals yearn for this. This level of honesty is imperative for meaningful growth to transpire. By embodying authenticity and integrity, we allow others to gain clarity. This is the authentic art of courting.

One is always glad to be of service

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

[fbcomments]

KEEP READING

Entering A Woman Consciously

Conscious sexuality and sex becomes an integrated and holistic experience as opposed being solely reduced to a biological one. There is an understanding that sex is a deep spiritual (connected) practice that allows us to delve in to the depths and richness of the human experience.

Men, Just LISTEN, Don’t Fix

As men, we yearn to fix, it feels like an accomplishment, like we have conquered the challenge. There is more to this though. There are times when the situation, perceived problem or pain does not require anything else but our presence.

We want to fix in order to feel useful, worthy or of value. I know I have in the past. We don’t realise that our own insecurities prevent us from going deeper with our loved ones. Our beloved at times simply wants to be seen and heard.

A Story Of Longevity & Respect

We become so fucking excited when we move in to a relationship. Our hormones go wild, any form of intelligence gets thrown out with the trash. We become primal, we go deep in to our physiology.

Of course there are times when there is a ‘soul recognition’, a ‘past-life’ connection and then it becomes more spiritual. As this phenomenological experience is rising, for many this form of deepened awareness in intimate relationship eludes us.

The Expansive Masculine

When my mother sent me some old pictures of when I was child, my heart opened and memories came flooding back to me. I saw an innocent little boy with a massive smile on his face.

Yet the happy times were outweighed massively by the sadness and fear I experienced. Overtime that little boy learned that closing down his heart was the best way to protect himself. Then he grew up to be a man that was shut down because of a his pain.

I Am Still Here – WE Are Still Here

In the very short time I have been present on this planet I have had (like many of us) what I call a range of diverse and deep experiences. I have been plummeted in to the depths and chasms of despair, suffering and pain, yet I am still here.

START WITH YOUR LOVE BLOCKS

Complete this assessment to uncover the exact blocks preventing you from attracting and experiencing the love and intimacy you truly desire

Share This