Are You Desirable?

Now more than ever I feel deeply connected to the core of who I and appreciate deeply what I bring to the world, but it has not always been this way. I struggled as a child to know myself and to be comfortable to show ‘the real me’ in front of others.

I felt like I was not really wanted carried a belief of unworthiness with me. I wore masks to hide how scared I was of rejection. Although at times it was subtle, it permeated so much of what I believed and how I behaved, thought and felt in the world.

If you have felt oppression, told you were wrong one too many times, ostracized for simply being you and having an opinion, you are not alone. As a man we are not really taught how to deal with repressed expression and so we often take that pain and expel it in to the world in unhealthy ways.

I became defensive. I lost a deeper sense of my purpose and I wore so many masks because of this. These masks tainted my truth and kept me from communicating the authentic essence of me in to the world. I hid and I acted from a place of fear not wanting to be rejected.

I faked my way through desirability. Never really communicating my core needs in fear of being ostracized or neglected. I felt such tension, which I then took and transmuted into shortness, aggression and violence. I thought “well, that’s the ‘manly’ thing to do.” Fight and aggress.

Where to from here? Own it, take responsibility. It wasn’t until I looked deep in to myself, began to pay a more profound attention to the gaping emotional and spiritual chasms that plagued my psyche; that I was able to make the unconscious conscious.

So how do we take a deeper look at ourselves? By giving ourselves permission to simply be. To tell the joke, that no one may want to hear, to be sad, to express confusion, to be ‘wrong’, to be embarrassed and be okay with all of it.

My life was a consistent cycle of struggle that was not in alignment with my truth. The moment I took full responsibility for my life – I experienced freedom, continuity and flow.

It was here, that I became desirable TO ME. I saw and felt myself for the first time. And hence I was able to be meaningfully desirable to the world, without inhibition.

Every sentient being wishes to be seen. Men, you are kidding yourselves if you think you are exempt from this aspect of the human condition. When we release the burden of needing to be someone according other people’s views of worthiness we become truly liberated and here, we can choose consciously who we truly wish to be.

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

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