I can tell you about the physiological effects that excess anger and frustration has on the body. I can tell you how excess stress hormones released throughout the body due to a cognitive spotlight focus of anger damages our neurones.

I can tell you about the feeling of not being in control and how longterm, this affects negatively our sense of self and understanding of who we are. I can tell you that the less we self-regulate the more we have that feeling of not being in control of the direction of our internal monologue, stories we feel ourselves and pain we feel.

I am here to tell you that and more. I am here to tell you that the density of anger creates so much distance and separation. Anger isolates us. I held on to anger for so long. I thought anger was my ally, and whilst anger serves a purpose, I regarded it with too much reverence.

My early experiences of life were very interesting – exposed to a spectrum of emotions from a young age and interestingly enough I chose to focus on the quickening of anger, persistent agitation and intense frustration. An emotional cocktail of density and heaviness for my mind and body.

I took these attachments to certain experiences and brought them in to my adult relationships. What I really want to speak to you today about is the distance that excess, unregulated, misunderstood anger causes. In a flash, we lose sight of what we value deeply and we slip-stream in to a defensive and survival based state of protecting what is “ours”…

Our ego, our values, our beliefs, our bodies – whatever we latch on to that we perceive matters more than the stance of another. I remember so often, it was more important to be right and protect my ego then it was to be open minded. I was so accustomed to living defensively that I became the aggressor naturally. Protecting what I associated with was mine before anyone had the opportunity to attack. I was living from childhood fear.

The reality was, no one was attacking me. I was wired, because I never dealt with my shit, I chose to not deal with my trauma and my pain. Now, when I did, life shifted massively. My mind relaxed, I ceased to think the worst in others and importantly, I stopped the harsh judgments of self and others (as these are debilitating) and I began to self-speak with greater authentic authority and respect.

When we are open and not living from anger we are inviting the opportunity of growth and deeper intimacy. Anger distances us. When we are angry, we repel what cares for us. By our own doing we isolate ourselves – the very thing we are most fearful of.

I know, I was this person. My anger was too overwhelming and too intense, too often and out of context. When I began to master my inner faculties, I began to create deeper levels of intimacy and simply felt happier, clearer minded and in control. My perspectives changed and as they did so did my demeanor.

Men, you have the opportunity to release the type of repetitive and unconscious patterned anger that does not serve. Will you choose growth or will you choose to stagnate?

One is always glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author