Stress Is The High Achiever’s Word For Fear

Men are so afraid of fear… We don’t have a healthy relationship for fear, so we leverage semantics to make ourselves feel better. What is mental and emotional stress truly a byproduct of?

In today’s day and age, we are overworked, we overthink, we place rigid expectations on ourselves and we are constantly trying to outplay the Jones’s. Why? There are many reasons, but let’s focus on one.

Our values. We value being better than everyone and how others see and perceive us more than our own sanity. We believe that the next raise, the next car, the next promotion, the next title, the next compliment will bring us salvation, ease and reprieve.

We are looking down a bottomless pit. We mask our fears of not being enough, not meeting some elusive standard, not being regarded as a ‘productive member’ of society or not being valued that we do and sometimes be anything we can to achieve what we think is necessary to be adored, celebrated and loved.

In the process we lose ourselves. This sense of ‘over-achieving’ is a hyper masculine trait, because it is imbalanced and it’s an ‘at any cost’ attitude. We become frustrated and feel so much pressure to perform to a standard we don’t even necessarily align with.

We are out of integrity but the social pressure is so much and so we just say “oh, I’m just stressed, I have a great deal on at the moment”. How LONG does that moment last for???

When we own and acknowledge our internal fears, we realise that we are not alone and we realise that our worth and value is not only predicated on doing and achieving more. Our character, intention and service plays a massive role in our sense of self.

Importantly, how WE, OURSELVES feel about who we are and how we show up is actually carries the most important impact on self-perception. There is nothing wrong with taking action and wanting to achieve.

It’s how we have evolved. The issue is when we are telling ourselves lies and pretending we are something we are not. When we mask our pain and suffering. When we neglect our fears and become lost in a sea of pointless doing to satisfy some norm that we don’t even care about.

Get clear on who you are by creating the space to know yourself – your whole self. And get real… what is truly responsible for your stress? Peak behind the veil…

One is glad to be of service.


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



The Debilitating & Controlling Nature Of Fear

I find it so deeply sad that fear controls our lives, that fear limits us from experiencing wonder, joy, expansion, opportunity and deep love. Love itself is a multidimensional, multilayered and multifaceted experiential state…

How To Create Deeper Intimacy & Explosive Sex

There are a million one ways to create connection and depth in relationship. I could go deep in to techniques, secrets and the subtleties of behaviour and human interaction and the reality is if we don’t explore ourselves first and are willing to venture in to the unknown, it’s a fruitless task.

Something that is massively overlooked in our world today is selflessness and giving. Moving beyond the first stage of intimate relating of selfishness and a focus of “what can I get from this relationship”, in to: “what can I give to this relationship”?

Stop Avoiding Intimacy

STOP! We spend so much time running from what we fear. What we are essentially running from is our ability to feel closeness, connection and deep intimacy.

We all yearn for it – unconsciously and consciously in different ways. Brothers need brotherhood but have fear of being judged, ridiculed and not accepted by their primary in-group. They also spend so much time distracted and in ‘doing’ energy.

The Expansive Masculine

When my mother sent me some old pictures of when I was child, my heart opened and memories came flooding back to me. I saw an innocent little boy with a massive smile on his face.

Yet the happy times were outweighed massively by the sadness and fear I experienced. Overtime that little boy learned that closing down his heart was the best way to protect himself. Then he grew up to be a man that was shut down because of a his pain.

Suicide Is Never An Option

We call suicide selfish. Most men do not see it this way. Men isolate and are isolated for many reasons. People who genuinely feel loved and needed rarely commit suicide. Men are more likely to commit suicide returning from war, being unemployed, isolated in life, losing their life savings or if they become incapacitated. Man need love – from women, tribe/community, his children and himself.

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