We can mostly agree that communication is the cornerstone to any successful, endearing, loving and intimate relationship. In fact, communication can make or break our relationships. Let’s dive straight in to 12 simple tips to improve communication in your relationships.

 1. Know Yourself

When you know yourself you are better equipped to communicate your truth. The reality is all people deeply desire is to be told the truth. When you know yourself at greater depth, you have greater clarity on who you are and you can express yourself with greater efficacy and authenticity.

 2. Be Authentic

No-one appreciates inauthenticity. It distances us from those we love. When we speak our truth openly and when our inner state reflects our outwardly driven behaviours and expression we are ‘winning’ in our relationships. Our partners receive a real version of us through our authentic communication style and they are then able to respond also in a real manner.

 3. Be Courageous In Your Expression

It requires courage to move through fear or pain. Perhaps you have been or done something that you know your partner would not approve of. Perhaps you feel the need to share something deeply from your past that would be relevant to your relationship now. This is tough, your partner will appreciate you more if you step in to your courage.

Importantly, you will appreciate you more if you do this. You will break cycles of fear that control your emotional being and often paralyse your relationships, not obtaining the best from your relationships. Here is tip: write down first (journal) what you need to express to diffuse the intensity.

This process will also integrate your right, left-brain hemispheres and soften the amygdala and brain stem. It will also engage the pre-frontal cortex at greater capacity. Ultimately providing you with a new and enlightened perspective on your perceived problem

 4. Practice Intimacy

There are multiple ways to connect intimacy and if you make intimacy part of your regular interaction – purposefully and meaningfully it will allow open communication to a broad variety of matters so much easier.

Schedule time for connected intimacy and acknowledge when and where you are sharing depth of intimacy in your lives together. The various types of intimacy include: emotional, physical, intellectual, spiritual, conflict, work, parenting, crisis, aesthetic and play intimacy. Note, that experiencing these types of intimacy with yourself first will assist you in bonding with your lover.

5. Be Vulnerable

Nothing draws us closer to each other than openness in vulnerability. This is intimately connected to courage. Being vulnerable means exposing the fullness of who we are. But here, our hearts may soften and we also become open to the truth that we are. We share ourselves and our feelings in real time, ensuring transparency and clarity in our expression.

 6. Check In Regularly

A preventative model of connecting and communicating as opposed to a curative model of communication goes a long way when it comes to effective communication. Do not wait for disconnection or tension to occur before you speak to it. Ask your beloved, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife or partner regularly how their heart is? Do they need anything and can you be of service? And similarly, if you notice something within you that needs to be expressed, communicate that openly.

 7. Be Introspective First

Take your time assimilating your ideas about whatever it is you need to communicate prior to blurting it out. Be discerning and connected in your communication. The better you know yourself, the faster you will move through this process. This ensures clarity, authenticity and directness in your communication – minimising confusion and pain.

 8. Practice Compassion & Empathy

When we practice the notion of ‘walking in another’s shoes’ we are connecting at such depth that our communication allows us to connect intimately with each other. If we cannot relate to others, we cannot communicate effectively. It is through resonance, bio-mimicry, the function of mirror neurons and attention to our beloved that we bond and feel. It is through feeling that we may be able to communicate at higher levels of love and connection.

 9. Be Of Service

Being of service allows us to live fully and when we give ourselves we are enhancing and evolving aspects of self tremendously. We open the hearts of others, whilst doing the same for ourselves. Here, when speak in the values and love languages of others we are connecting, opening up a passage towards greater love, connection and truth to be expressed acquiescently.

 10. Live In The Now

Living in the now allows us to be present to what requires attention immediately. When we share this space we can communicate and express in real time what our issues are. Once we gain clarity on the now, we can observe with greater eloquence past events and circumstances that connect in to the present moment. But not without being present to what is occurring in the now.

 11. Ask Questions & Listen Intently

When we sincerely and legitimately care about what others think and feel and we openly ask these questions we are allowing others to be known. This is emotionally liberating and can soften the pain we often experience in relating. The Imago dialogue is a wonderful tool and technique to capture the essence of conscious communicating with one another.

 12. Be Sincere & Open

Being open minded and open hearted allows us to relate better. If we are clear on our values and we also hold beliefs around the possibility of transformation and growth being highly possible – we allow others to be heard, seen, known and felt deeply. It is here that our open minds serve us and allow us to communicate at great depth.

Final Thoughts & Feelings

Clear, concise and importantly, authentic communication is the cornerstone of any flourishing and thriving relationship. When we pay deliberate attention to what matters, our lives improve significantly and dramatically. We further evolve deeply as do the quality of our relationships.

One is always glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author