It wasn’t that long ago where I was fighting suicide. Loss of my businesses, relationship, status, honor, friendships and identity had me feeling worthless, deep shame and isolation.

I felt “not enough” and that I was being a burden to those that loved me. I created stories about who I was, what people thought of me and that my life was worthless.

I wasn’t alone in this. Men are the more likely sex to commit suicide. The 3 top reasons are:

1. Rejected in love (from other or self)
2. Lack of friends or social support
3. Lack of respect from family and others

We call suicide selfish. Most men do not see it this way. Men isolate and are isolated for many reasons. People who genuinely feel loved and needed rarely commit suicide. Men are more likely to commit suicide returning from war, being unemployed, isolated in life, losing their life savings or if they become incapacitated. Man needs love – from women, tribe/community, his children and himself.

Men feel by killing themselves they are killing the burden, therefore suicide is more an act of love than an act of selfishness. Women are actually more likely to attempt suicide, men are more successful at it. Why? Many men also have a need to send warning signals, but their belief of isolation and that they have no right to ask others to rescue them from disaster, has them feeling that they brought this on themselves (a systemic and cultural issue).

Couple that with a fear of failure and feeling weak, men suffer silently and feel they have no one to go to. This isn’t about positioning men as victims and women as having it easy. It is bringing another perspective to an issue that is hurting all of us.

I felt this pain several times throughout my life and I’m blessed to be here today, able to share what I did and who I had to become within myself to be who I am – healthier, more connected, more resilient, open-hearted, worthy, and clear.

So many of us don’t get this opportunity. My invitation is compassion, care and connection. That was partly what saved me, still having those around me that saw me when I couldn’t see myself. I love you and thank you.

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author