Trauma is not simple. We can’t compare one’s trauma to another’s. “I wasn’t sexually abused or tortured, therefore I shouldn’t be distressed”. One’s trauma is not “worse” than someone else’s. And it’s difficult as we place a hierarchy on certain experiences. We must break away from comparing and observe our own experiences.

Trauma presents itself in the overt and obvious such as kidnapping, war, rape, the most extreme of tortures and more. And also in the subtle and what did NOT occur. Perhaps not receiving your father’s approval or support when you came second in your running race when you were 8, or being constantly neglected and not attended to when you were crying like a baby or child trying to self regulate or witnessing other children receive hugs and you never got any physical affection from those you looked up to.

Trauma is not simple. It’s complex. Our psyches are complex and layered. The experience of trauma is impacted by how we interpret the world, our values, beliefs, sense of self-worth, attachment styles, aspirations, personalities formed and more.

If your needs were not met and you made this mean something about your worth and you have shamed yourself because of this or felt excessive guilt, you may have expressions of trauma governing how you respond/react to the world as an adult.

Discounting your pain is not useful, comparing your pain is not useful and neither is using your past as an excuse to not take radical action, step into radical self-honesty and compassion and DO something about your life’s circumstances in the now. Playing the victim will keep you in a cycle of perpetual pain and further amplify your trauma.

What we do know is that loving support, radical action, a willingness to see the opportunity and an ability to face your challenges will all help in shifting your perspectives of pain. Meet your life with a willingness, a desire to shift, not complacency; a need to see your worth, not a vision of what you don’t deserve.

These are limiting stories that have lodged in your heart and body. To shift these limitations we must go in the heart, the mind and the body. Recreate, reframe and rewire a new you.

If this interests you, I am here to serve you. If you wish to go deep, then let’s connect. Reach out and let’s have that conversation.

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author