Understanding Trauma

Trauma is not simple. We can’t compare one’s trauma to another’s. “I wasn’t sexually abused or tortured, therefore I shouldn’t be distressed”. One’s trauma is not “worse” than someone else’s. And it’s difficult as we place a hierarchy on certain experiences. We must break away from comparing and observe our own experiences.

Trauma presents itself in the overt and obvious such as kidnapping, war, rape, the most extreme of tortures and more. And also in the subtle and what did NOT occur. Perhaps not receiving your father’s approval or support when you came second in your running race when you were 8, or being constantly neglected and not attended to when you were crying like a baby or child trying to self regulate or witnessing other children receive hugs and you never got any physical affection from those you looked up to.

Trauma is not simple. It’s complex. Our psyches are complex and layered. The experience of trauma is impacted by how we interpret the world, our values, beliefs, sense of self-worth, attachment styles, aspirations, personalities formed and more.

If your needs were not met and you made this mean something about your worth and you have shamed yourself because of this or felt excessive guilt, you may have expressions of trauma governing how you respond/react to the world as an adult.

Discounting your pain is not useful, comparing your pain is not useful and neither is using your past as an excuse to not take radical action, step into radical self-honesty and compassion and DO something about your life’s circumstances in the now. Playing the victim will keep you in a cycle of perpetual pain and further amplify your trauma.

What we do know is that loving support, radical action, a willingness to see the opportunity and an ability to face your challenges will all help in shifting your perspectives of pain. Meet your life with a willingness, a desire to shift, not complacency; a need to see your worth, not a vision of what you don’t deserve.

These are limiting stories that have lodged in your heart and body. To shift these limitations we must go in the heart, the mind and the body. Recreate, reframe and rewire a new you.

If this interests you, I am here to serve you. If you wish to go deep, then let’s connect. Reach out and let’s have that conversation.

One is glad to be of service.


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author


Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author



Seeing The Shadow In Another Is Holding The Shadow In Ourselves

When we see the shadow in another and we embrace this shadow, appreciate this shadow, revere this shadow and embrace this shadow we cease to stumble, we cease to polarise and we cease to ‘lose’ in life…

A Strong NO Means The YES Carries Greater Substance

We are often so afraid of our no’s. We are afraid to be seen as perhaps going against the grain, letting others down, being seen a certain way or perhaps there is a fear of a backlash – rejection, humiliation, abandonment at the deepest roots of our fears.

To Honour Is To Create Together

“When I truly honoured myself, I was able to honour women”…

In this life I have been blessed to transform many times over. There have been times where I have delved deep in to my own self solo and in isolation. There have been times when I have been deeply supported by other brothers. And there have been times where I have been guided by the divine presence of the feminine.

The Divinity Of Femininity

To honour the feminine is to honour the sacred dance of the slow, the sacred and the open.

To walk beside the feminine on this path of awakening means to be blessed by her grace and beauty.

To learn from each other is to teach each other. To lean in to each other and to SEE each other.

The still of the masculine meets the fluid movement of the feminine.

The depth of the masculine draws out the magnificent nature of the feminine – the sparkle, the beauty, the light.

Love Is Conditional

There it is. I said what basically we all do. We all place conditions on the way we care for others, okay, well the VAST majority of us do. I know I have & so what, where to from here? Are standards, ideals, values & conditions bad?

If your partner is physically or emotionally abusing you consistently should you remain in that situation with no indication of change because you wish to have ‘unconditional love’?

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