Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

Transference – How Good Are You At It?

Attempting to understand this type of behaviour according to a superficial or face value view will only confuse us and distance us form ourselves and our loved ones.

Transference is the projection of an emotion, emotions or behaviour that has implicitly arisen within us in that moment is drawing energy and power from another unconscious source (memory, precious experiences, feelings, etc.).

Behaviour is being triggered by our ‘mirrors’ (others in our lives resembling certain past experiences, postures and expressions that are familiar to us on an unconscious level) from emotions felt long ago.

So many of us do this and embody this without being aware of it. We react ‘irrationally’ or in a confusing and non/contextual way and do not know, nor understand why.

We are lashing out, or behaving in this way to meet a perceived threat that has somehow been triggered and revoked by the current situation and present moment. These behaviours were developed during our developmental years to meet a need of survival (physiological, emotional and/or psychosocial).

In the process we are hurting others and further pulling ourselves away from a liberated state of being, whilst distancing ourselves from those we love and care for.

How many of us do this? The over reactor becomes responsible for this transference hurting those in the present because of something that has transpired in the past.

Our minds are fragile here and oscillate between different eras, picking up more on the ‘energy’ of the environment. If it reminds us of something painful, we react in that way to protect and to engage I the familiar.

This could almost be considered a recurring trauma and the worst of it is that those caught in the transference do not really know. They take it personally and then their past wounding becomes triggered.

And we now have tow wounded people behaving in an unconscious manner, driven by fear and pain – acting unconsciously and from a damaged place.

The psyche can be fragile, so what can we do, who can we be? In these moments, patience, compassion, empathy and the knowing that all may not always be as it seems.

Be patient and caring enough to delve deeper, to explore more profoundly and be prepared to know your own wounding, trauma and pain.

In fact, we can share such beauty and wonder in togetherness in this place, healing each other by choosing to hold each other in every conceivable way.

This requires so much of the best of us to step in to this gracefully and from place of courage and commitment to healing, equilibrating and becoming. Evaluate yourself regularly, examine the subtleties of all that you are. This shall set us free – together we can.

To hold another, is to hold ourselves – to hold ourselves is to serve others. We are ready to evolve the quality of our relationships.

One is always glad to be of service.


Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker
Stef Sifandos
Relational Alchemist, Community Builder & Changemaker

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