We want others to believe in us. We want to feel needed and be seen. We want others to understand us and love us for who we are, yet we seldom show our ‘true colours’.

We want the world and are often simply delivered an atlas. We do a great job of blaming and shaming the world around us for this and not getting out way.

I remember this vividly. I was this person of lack, scarcity and masks. I didn’t believe in me, I didn’t think I had what it truly took to be great, so I hid from the world. Wore any and every mask I could to protect myself and fit in.

The truth was, my underlying desires did not change. I still yearned to be seen and to be believed in. The reality was how How could others really see me if I kept changing costume How could they get to know and appreciate me if I was never really me

We do this, we become so attached to what we think we are not that we do whatever we can to be that person that we think the world truly wants to see. The world doesn’t want that. The people in your life want to feel safe.

The only way they can feel safe is to see you for who you are. No surprises, no guessing games, minimal contradictions and minimal hypocrisy and mixed messages.

So, you just want to be you, but you’re scared if you show the real you and you are rejected the pain cuts deeper compared to the mask you are wearing being rejected. The impact isn’t as profound.

You may be right… for now. In the long run though it will tear you up. When I got confident and began to believe in me and the truth of who I really was and gave zero fucks about giving that to the world was the moment my relationships became healthier, richer, realer and way more fun!

If you want others to back you, to believe in you and to see you, you need to be YOU. You need to be willing to perhaps be told “you’re wrong, you’re ugly, you’re worthless, you’re not enough” and so on. AND THEN you have the opportunity to NOT internalise it and continue to be YOU.

Without the facade, without taking it personally and without buying in to the victimhood of it all. I did that for too long, it didn’t serve. Lift the veil and truly be free. Your life awaits you…

One is glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author