The Gift Of Jealousy – Why Do We Experience Jealousy?

Jealousy, if misunderstood, not felt and expressed fully and ultimately, not connected to in an authentic manner can reap havoc with our emotional lives. Jealousy becomes problematic when we ignore where the deep feeling of jealousy may lead us.

 

The Gift Of Jealousy – Why Do We Experience Jealousy?

If you think and believe something outside of you will make you happy, then you will be jealous of that projected object or subject. If you truly believe that obtaining money or having copious amounts of money will bring you happiness, then people who you may consider wealthy will cause immediate feelings of jealousy within you.

Whenever we believe that something or someone – a specific experience or person will truly make us happy, we are deeply mistaken. Only when we are fully present to the moment that resides in the now can we actually be and experience authentic happiness. We must open as we are in the moment in order to experience meaning, fulfilment, contentment, joy, purpose and happiness. We suffer jealousy we do not remember this pertinent truth.

 

How Can Jealousy Serve Us?

Jealousy provides us with insight in to the true nature of who we are. We are whole, complete beings that segregate, separate and polarise ourselves searching for wholeness outside of ourselves. This is where intimate relationships falter, for most of us are searching for ‘love’, enlightenment, and completeness outside of ourselves.

This consistent action assumes we are not whole, we are incomplete and we are not capable of being whole without the guidance of another. When we become jealous we often ignore these intense feelings as they are not valued character expressions and traits in our societal constructs. So, we continue to ignore, suppress, deny and feel fully who we are. No wonder, why we believe so strongly we are not worthy of wholeness when we continue to fracture our inner states. These states become the norm, known and considered absolute truth.

 

Jealousy – A False Hope

Even when we may experience and attain that for which we yearn for that we do not ‘have’ right here and right now – a lover, ‘success’, recognition, deep sexual intimacy, money, fame, a pain-free life, someone who can care for you, etc. Nothing essentially Changes.

We are either open to the fullness of feeling, or we are closed. This is the point here. Experiences are fleeting. It is how we interact with life itself (and we as every-thing is an integral aspect of life) – are we open to life, open to the mystery that is life? Or are we closed, are we retracted?

The greater or constricted state, the greater the retraction, the greater our sense of separation, loss, closed nature and disconnection from our true authentic self.

 

 

Jealousy & The Ego Self

Here we experience immense frustration and the ego projects – projecting on to others, not accepting responsibility for being closed. It is easier, safer and more convenient to blame and shame others than to look in to the chasms of our own being, soul and hearts. Here, it becomes effortless to feel jealousy and projection comes with great ease.

Every experience we have (a perceived gain) is threatened by loss if we are not present to being open to all that we experience in life. Nothing is ever quite as fulfilling as jealousy promises and hence we continue to chase our tails, as this illusion or distraction becomes more comforting than facing the at times discomfort of pain, fear and suffering of the present moment.

The paradox is that the more aware we become of the now, the greater immersion and honest confrontation with the now that occurs, the greater the softening of fear, pain and discomfort. Why? Because this earnest exposure not only conditions us but also provides with insight and depth in to whom we truly are – in to our infinite nature.

 

The Path To Bliss

Bliss is the nature of deep opening. Just being fully present to what is, not denying, ignoring or pretending. No façade, no fracturing of the self and one’s feelings. Just ownership of the now. What power this brings us. People will be jealous of you, you will be jealous of others, the cycle never ends unless we open to the now.

Jealousy can serve us and be useful here. Parts of us hate, project, justify and are deeply frustrated by others and their circumstances. Parts of us even feel inferior, less than and inadequate for not having, attaining or being something we project we must be in order to feel ‘full’. And parts of us even attempt to feel superior by not needing that for which we secretly long for.

We fracture and we demolish who we are. We distance ourselves further from our truth through complex feelings of layered jealousy. There is value in this though. It is an indication that we are not connected to ourselves, nor are we open to oneness and openness.

For example, if you are jealous of someone in an intimate relationship that you may perceive as ideal then you are refusing to open fully to your relationships or lack thereof.

You are projecting, hoping for more, not satisfied and therefor missing the wonder of the present moment by remaining in a ‘grass is greener attitude’. This projection deters us from feeling gratitude and gratitude is an immediate road to present moment awareness, which ultimately lays the foundations for openness.

 

Surrendering To Truth

If you can surrender openly as love (which is simply being present to whatever presents itself) then you are on the path to self-realisation. Jealousy is a sign that we are waiting, never content, always focused beyond the now in to the futile future that never arrives.

This sense of waiting for the future to offer you something of greater depth and substance is wasted and vain. Your heart-mind and body are gripped with stress and anxiety as so many parts of you refuse to open.

When we choose not surrender and resist we experience tension and pain – suffering and disconnection. We feel insufficient, unworthy, inadequate and hate who and what we are. Jealousy consumes and we lose ourselves in pursuit of what will never be. Only surrendering to the now may we find joy in life.

 

Final Thoughts & Feelings

The reality is that every moment is an opportunity to be present to the moment. To appreciate, be grateful for, connect to and open to the now. When we choose to do embody and embrace this, we celebrate life for what it is.

This allows us to be ready for openness at any time. Open as deep and as broad as possible in order to feel jealousy or whatever feeling or state it is you are immersed in. Give yourself fully to the moment and feel life for what it truly is, not an idealistic version of existence. You are more than this. You are infinitely open – act like it.

One is always glad to be of service.

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

STEFANOS SIFANDOS

Relational Alchemist, Speaker & Author

[fbcomments]

KEEP READING

Microwave Masculinity

The age of “microwave masculinity”, where we are attempting to box the masculinity of man in to quick fix, pill swallowing solution for stepping in...

No Man Is An Island

As men we are inadvertently told and shown that independence reigns supreme and whilst I am a massive advocate for self-reliance, solitude and autonomy we still need each other. We are relational beings and the days of the lone wolf are over. There is a balance and by feeling, we neutralize that pain. We don’t allow the complex layers of our psyche to take over.

The Slow Burn Of Resentment & Anger

Can we not love the fullness of who we are? The fullness of others and embrace their humanness, our humanness? This does not mean not creating reverent boundaries, but it does mean surrendering to our authentic nature…

Experiencing The Father Wound As An Adult

The father wound can show up in all of us. The father wound refers to father absenteeism, whether both emotionally and/or physically, and/or your father being very critical, negative, and even abusive character, can impact you and your adult intimate relationships.

“Shit Or Get Off The Pot”

Rise in to certainty! The above phase basically means either commit and be all in or get out of the way and stop pretending. In relationship, this translates to three key things:

1…Certainty
2…Clarity
3…Commitment

Share This